Sunday, 2 February 2014

Film Review:- "Riddick" (2013)

Hmm, so, after seeing the somewhat lackluster "The chronicles of Riddick" many years ago (which at one point went on to become a staple filler of ITV2s late night film slots) I didn't hold out much hope of there ever being another film about the seemingly invincible ninja assassin type, save for video game entries, (none of which I have ever gotten round to playing) so, it came as something of a surprise when during a visit to my local ASDA I saw "Riddick" on sale in the DVD section.
Showing how much attention I pay to modern cinema, I wasn't even aware that this film had been made, let alone had been out long enough to be published on DVD/Blu-Ray (I don't get this newfangled Blu-ray stuff).

Now, being as I somewhat enjoyed the original "Pitch Black", and found "Chronicles" to be mildly interesting, I thought I might as well give this one a shot....

                                                                      ....Oh dear....

So, at the end of "Chronicles", Riddick seemingly got the answers to all the questions he had about his life, and became literally a king by his own hand by slaying the enemy who had put his own people to death (erm...isn't that the plot to Conan??) , so, realistically there wasn't anywhere more for the plot line to explore, however, Vin Diesel himself wasn't happy to see the character he had made his own (even more so than Dominic Toretto, who wasn't as much of a breakout character as Riddick ended up being ) get some sort of closure, so instead, old Vinny-boy decided he wanted to finance a third entry in the series, even appearing in a cameo role in "The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift" in order to secure the rights to the Riddick franchise for himself, then employing the services of David Twohy as chief writer to bring his ideas for the further adventures of the ninja-assassin to the screen once again.

The film starts with Riddick, still dressed in his Grand Marshall armour, being attacked by a carrion eater as he lies buried under rocks and dirt on an un named planet.
A flashback sequence tells the tale that after Riddick became Grand Marshall of the Necromonger fleet, he rapidly began to lose his power base after his refusal to convert to the necromonger religion, and thus a campaign of intrigue sees him being left stranded on the planet he is now on.
after picking himself up and dusting himself off etc etc, he finds himself being hunted by two teams of mercenaries, before he escapes the planet and heads off for further adventures.

Yeah, thats it, the films plot in a nutshell, and trust me, theres not much more to it than that.
Riddick spends about half of the film playing a "Robinson Crusoe" type role and acting as his own biographer in a series of laconic voiceovers, then after the merc guys turn up, its a predictable sequence of events as he picks them off one by one by being cleverer than them.

I'll say it, this film is boring as fuck, even the action bits are yawnsome, the "character development" as it is is bland and completely uninteresting, and while watching the film I kept thinking "something awesome is gonna happen soon..." but alas, it was not to be.

Riddick, the project financed and produced by Vin Diesel himself, is nothing but a self indulgent vanity project which falls flat on its arse, promising so much and absolutely failing to deliver, apart from you get to see Katee Sackhoffs tits...thats probably the only bit of the film I liked.

I give it 3 pairs of goggles out of 10, and thats only for the special effects and Katee Sackhoffs "celestial orbs".

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