I'm on a bit of a B5 kick at the moment, and this, in conjunction with my renewed interest in wargaming in general got me thinking about the various attempts to bring the B5 universe to the tabletop.
The universe of Babylon 5 is, like Star Wars and Star Trek, a vast and quite detailed one, with various races all sending ships of various sizes and types zooming around the big black until invariably at some point they will meet up and start shooting at each other for some reason. Hell, the TV show did this a lot, so therefore it should have been a fairly simple task to transfer the on screen action to the tabletop with a minimum of fuss and make it enjoyable enough and popular enough for it to be a decent seller.
Unfortunately though this didn't seem to happen, for many and various reasons...
...and so it begins....
Babylon 5 Wars
The first "official" stab at making a playable B5 miniatures game came courtesy of Agents of Gaming (AoG). Launched in 1997, B5 Wars (as it became known) is considered to be part of B5s official "canon", being as much of its development was overseen by J. Michael Straczynski himself, who took a fair bit of interest in it.
The game itself follows the usual wargaming formula of players building fleets to a set number of points (usually making a fleet of between 3 and 15 ships, depending on size, point cost and/or scenario requirements if being used), and then having a space battle using the games somewhat complex rules.
This was one of the things that proved to be the games undoing, as its first edition was deemed by the gaming public at large to be much to difficult to be able to play with any level of enjoyment, instead of epic battles in the B5 universe, play ended up being a series of book keeping tasks, tedious dice rolling activities and arguments over vagaries within the games core rule set and expansions.
Within a year of the games debut, a "Second edition" was released, which dispensed with some of the more tedious rules and streamlined or clarified the remainder, however, even with these changes, game play was still difficult and somewhat unrewarding.
Another problem with the game was availability of miniatures. While the game recommended that for the "best" experience you should be playing with official AoG miniatures, AoG were happy for players to use tokens in lieu of actual models, which for some ships and/or factions within the games source books was the only way to play them as miniatures were either not available for quite some time, or were never released, leading to much frustration amongst fans of the game.
On the subject of miniatures, B5 wars miniatures that had been released were somewhat difficult to obtain, this, added to AoGs problems in finding miniatures sculptors, as well as a somewhat disorganised release schedule, meant that even though the game was nominated for an Origins award in 1999 (It lost to Diskwars, another game which has since faded into relative obscurity) , it still wasn't a big hit, and production of miniatures and source books was discontinued in 2001.
I personally owned a couple of B5 Wars miniatures, although I didn't pick these up until the early 2000s, at what I can only describe as a significant markdown from their original asking price, and they were still sealed in their boxes, never opened or assembled.
Although the pictures on the boxes made the promise that the miniatures contained within would look awesome once assembled and painted, the reality couldn't have been further from the truth.
Made from some kind of white metal, the miniatures themselves were covered in so much flashing that it was in some cases, difficult to tell what was and wasn't supposed to be there, added to this problem was that for some unknown reason, I could not get the parts to stick together properly, regardless of what glue I used, and I tried a hell of a lot of different ways to get them to stick together, up to and including using solder and a blowtorch, which did nothing but melt the miniature and render it completely unusable, but by then I didn't care about it anymore, and the whole lot went in the bin.
As for the games rules, I laid hands on a copy of the 2nd edition rulebook at one point and tried to read through it and understand the game, but it was a rather boring and tedious process, and I just gave up on it.
Babylon 5: Fleet Action!
AoGs next stab at a B5 Miniatures game came towards the end of B5 Wars' life in the form of B5:Fleet action!.
Appearing in mid 2000, B5:FA was intended to compliment B5W insofar as it allowed for larger fleets to be used for battles than B5Ws "small skirmish" type action.
The miniatures for B5:FA were much smaller scale and more often than not single piece miniatures that used "standard" (ie, Battletech sized) hex bases.
The rules for B5:FA were fairly different to B5W, emphasising fleet level tactics over individual ship tactics, however again AoG fumbled the ball, as on paper the FA rules were simpler, in practice, especially so after source books started coming out, they became rather difficult to understand and once again, required a lot of tedious book keeping exercises, head scratching over rules problems and lots and lots of tedious and, more often than not, unnecessary dice rolling. The problem of rules vagaries became more prominent once the source book containing the Shadow fleet came out, who, due to the way their rules worked, made it difficult, if not impossible for them to be defeated.
Again, like B5W, miniatures for this game were difficult to come by, with many promised miniatures never appearing, although unlike B5W miniatures, FA miniatures seemed to have better quality control and the few that did require assembly glued together quite well with just normal super glue.
Unfortunately, before B5:FA could have the creases in its game play ironed out, the Babylon 5 TV series was cancelled and AoG lost its rights to produce B5 material, and it ceased production in 2002, with AoG declaring bankrupt soon after.
I had a small Earthforce fleet for B5:FA however i found it difficult to actually play any games due to the limited availability of miniatures, and the limited number of players here in the UK. The game wasn't bad per se, but it wasn't terribly user friendly either.
Both the AoG B5 miniatures games still enjoy a cult following online, with many home brew source texts and rules addendum's being published by fans.
Babylon 5 Collectable Card Game
Although not a miniatures wargame, the B5 CCG was probably the most successful B5 Game to be released.
Like other CCGs before and since, the B5 CCG required players to purchase packs of cards to build gaming decks with, and offered a variety of strategies by which to win. One noteworthy thing about this game was that it actively encouraged games to be multiplayer matches, that is, more than the "standard" CCG trope of being just 2 players, it also encouraged players to work together in some fashion in order to win.
The game itself turned up in 1997, and over the course of its life had 8 full sets released at retail, with various promo cards being released as tournament prizes for organised play.
It was also noteworthy for incorperating elements of RPG type play into its mechanic, as well as for quite closely following the storyline of the TV series.
Quite rightly, the B5 CCG is regarded as being one of the best CCGs ever released, as its fairly simple rules coupled with complex strategies make it an interesting game to play, even for the casual gamer.
However, the CCGs fate was sealed in 2001 when Warner Brothers, the owners of the B5 franchise, pulled the rights for Precedence Entertainment, the games publisher, to produce any further B5 related materials, and also ordered them to destroy any remaining stock they had.
I started playing the B5 CCG in about 2001, it wasn't a bad game but it did take some getting used to, especially if you were used to playing games such as Magic: The Gathering and/or Pokemon TCG. At one point following the games discontinuation you could buy whole boxes of starter decks for as little as £2, with booster boxes going for as little as £5 as games retailers sold off their remaining B5 CCG stocks cheap in order to offload stocks of a game that had been abandoned.
Oddly enough though, Precedence Entertainment closed it doors at roughly the same time as AoG did after losing their B5 licence, as none of their other products enjoyed the popularity as the B5 CCG.
Babylon 5: A Call To Arms
ACtA, as it came to be called, turned up in 2004 as a "compliment" to Mongoose Publishing's Babylon 5 RPG.
Fan reaction to the game overwhelmed Mongoose somewhat and they were very surprised at how quickly the games popularity soared, to the point at which the game won the 2004 Gamers Choice award at Origins.
This was because, unlike B5W and B5:FA, ACtA was actually a good, user friendly game, with a fairly reliable miniatures supply containing miniatures that were of good quality and were easily obtainable via games shops or purchased from Mongoose directly.
A "second edition" version of the game was published in 2007, representing updates in game rules and actually incorporating feedback from players (!!!) , as well as expanding available source materials.
However, the good times were not to be long term, as in early 2008 Mongoose announced that they were no longer going to produce miniatures or rules updates for the game, citing that the cost of miniatures production coupled with the amount of stuff needing to be produced was no longer cost effective for them, and, as such, they were disposing of their entire stock of ACtA miniatures at a discount via their website.
This decision affected all of Mongooses miniatures games at that point, so as well as the ACtA miniatures ceasing production, miniatures for other lines such as their Starship Troopers game were also sold off and abandoned, with Mongoose deciding to concentrate on their pencil & paper RPG systems instead.
I never played or physically held an ACtA miniature or book, as it was released and vanished during the time when I wasn't interested much in wargaming, but from what I understand the game was much better than the previous efforts and still enjoys something of a cult following to this day.
Its a shame really that despite the rich history contained within the B5 universe and so much enthusiasm for it amongst fans that it has been difficult to produce and sustain a B5 wargame of any description, but I can understand why larger games companies are hesitant to take the task on as B5 hasnt enjoyed the mass popularity that similar things such as Star Wars and Star Trek have, plus with no plans to relaunch the series, and the lackluster reception of spin off series' it seems that gaming in the B5 universe will be limited to dusty old legacy games, RPG books and home brew rules for quite some time to come.
Monday, 21 July 2014
EPis0dIC! - Babylon 5 - "Deathwalker" (S01E09) - 1994
Teaser
Talia Winters is commissioned by Ambassador Kosh to sit in on a meeting he is having, Talia is initially wary as he refuses to reveal any details of the meeting but is compelled to accept his offer as he has already logged the relevant documentations and made a more than generous payment to her.
Meanwhile, Na'Toth waits at the docking bay for a Narn negotiator to arrive, however while she is waiting, she spots an alien woman disembarking from a Minbari ship. Na'Toth charges forward and delivers a vicious beating to the woman whilst screaming "Deathwalker!".
Episode
While Dr. Franklin cares for the female alien in medbay, Sinclair and Garibaldi discuss the patient, as Franklin has had difficulty identifying her species, but also her identification and clothing are of Minbari origin, when she is clearly not Minbari.
Na'Toth is under arrest for the unprovoked assault, and she explains that she attacked the woman, whom she identifies as the Dilgar war criminal Jha'Dur, AKA "Deathwalker", due to a family vendetta. She explains that 30 years ago, the Dilgar conquered a Narn colony world and Jha'Dur used the conquered population to perform medical experiments on. Most of the people that were on that planet were killed, however Na'Toths grandfather escaped, but not before he had had a device implanted in his brain which slowly killed him, thus, Na'Toths family swore vengeance against Deathwalker.
Na'Toth is released into G'Kars custody but under house arrest, where G'Kar admonishes her for her behaviour as their negotiator was supposed to be meeting with Jha'Dur to conduct a secret negotiation for something that she has.
Talia's meeting with Kosh goes ahead as planned, however she is somewhat disturbed when the man he is meeting turns out to be a human who behaves in a bizarre manner, and both he and Kosh communicate in a series of seemingly random and cryptic statements.
Using Earth Alliance records, Sinclair identifies the woman in medbay as being Jha'Dur, however both he and Dr. Franklin find it difficult to believe that it is her, as the Dilgar race died out some 30 years previously, and the woman they have before them is too young to be Jha'Dur, and too old to be her daughter. Garibaldi searches through the woman's possessions and finds a Dilgar military uniform, as well as an ampoule of some drug which neither he nor Franklin can identify.
The woman is brought round and proudly identifies herself as being Jha'Dur, last of the Dilgar, and much to all concerns surprise, she identifies the drug as being a serum which allows the user to live forever.
Sinclair is ordered to have Jha'Dur transported to Earth immediately, however word soon gets out that they have her in custody, and, as Jha'Dur is wanted for crimes against sentience by nearly all of the other worlds represented on B5, moving her proves difficult, especially when as they are escorting her to a ship bound for Earth, all of the representatives of the League of non-aligned worlds block their way, and state that they would rather be killed than let her escape. Sinclair orders Jha'Dur back to her cell, and convenes a meeting of the B5 council.
Talia attends the second meeting between Kosh and Abbot, and is becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the proceedings, as she cannot read any thoughts in Abbots mind, nor can she understand the random gibberish both participants are spouting, she also starts experiencing strange and violent memories in her mind.However, she is unable to back out of the contract she has with Kosh, and Kosh isn't giving her any meaningful answers when she asks what is going on.
The B5 council convenes to discuss what should be done with Jha'Dur, with all the major powers attending except for Kosh, who tells Sinclair he doesn't want anything to do with the matter.. The League representative makes an impassioned speech outlining the crimes of the Dilgar during their invasion of their worlds, and calls for Jha'Dur to be put on trial as soon as possible for her crimes, with the trial to be held on Babylon 5 itself, as it is considered neutral ground.
Londo states the position of the Centauri Republic is one of disinterest as the Dilgar committed no crimes against them, and thus he votes "No"
G'Kar states that the Narn Reigme will vote "Yes", provided the trial take place on Narn, the League refuse for this to happen, so he quickly changes his vote to "No".
Sinclair states that the Vorlons abstain from the proceedings, but adds that on behalf of the Earth Alliance he votes "Yes".
Lennier, who is sitting in on the vote due to Delenns absence states that like the Centauri, the Minbari Federation has no conflict with the Dilgar or Jha'Dur, therefore their vote is "No".
Sinclair states that with 2 "yes" votes, 3 "no" votes and 1 abstention, the matter cannot clearly be agreed upon, so an alternative solution will have to be arranged. This causes an uproar amongst the League representatives, all of whom withdraw from the council in protest.
After everyone has left, Lennier admits that he would have voted yes, however he was ordered to vote no, being as the Minbari government are ashamed to admit in public that they sheltered Jha'Dur and their warrior caste used weapons during the Earth-Minbari war that had been provided to them by her.
Within minutes Babylon 5 is surrounded by warships from the various League worlds, all of whom demand the immediate surrender of Jha'Dur into their hands, however Ivanova manages to stall them by starting an argument over which race has the greater claim on her, with the right to open fire first going to the side that decides it has the best claim. Meanwhile, Sinclair reveals the existence of the immortality serum to the League representatives, and manages to come to a deal in which Jha'Dur will be transported to Earth where the serum will be researched and analysed by both human and League scientists, and once the research is complete, Jha'Dur will be handed over to the League to do with as they please. The League agrees to this and their warships depart.
Talia's final meeting between Kosh and Abbot takes place, once again they exchange nonsense conversation, before Kosh asks if Talia understands the meaning, at which point she it hit by a very sudden and clear memory of a man assaulting and attempting to murder her. Kosh states that their business is concluded, at which point Abbot removes his hat to reveal he has cybernetic devices grafted into his exposed brain matter. He removes a data crystal from his brain, hands it to Kosh and then leaves. Kosh once again offers no explanation as to what has occurred, except to say that the crystal contained "fear and terror", which he plans to save "for later". Talia is left feeling upset and somewhat distraught.
Sinclair and Garibaldi watch Jha'Dur change into her military uniform ready for her deportation. While she does so she states that although most species view the Dilgar as bloodthirsty and cruel, this will pale into insignificance once her immortality serum becomes available for widespread use, as its main active ingredient requires that a living being be killed in order for the recipient to become immortal, thus, in the quest for immortality, all other species will become as vile and evil as the Dilgar were, which is what she wanted all along, because as she says "the millions that live forever will be a testament to my work, whereas the millions who die will carry on my legacy".
The shuttle carrying Jha'Dur departs B5 while the assembled diplomats watch its departure on the stations monitors, but just as it is about to enter hyperspace, a Vorlon ship appears and destroys it. Kosh, who had arrived unnoticed is asked why this happened, to which he enigmatically replies "you are not ready for immortality", before leaving again.
Epilogue
Talia approaches Sinclair and states her concerns about Koshs behaviour towards her during his meetings with Abbot, and how during the meetings she experienced what appeared to be forced visions of memories she had scanned during her earlier employment as a psychic witness during a particularly brutal murder case some years earlier. Garibaldi recognises the name "Abbot" as belonging to a man he knows is a "Vicar", (a mispronunciation of the letters VCR) . Vicars are living recording devices, capable of recording sight, sound, smells and even brain activity via their cybernetic enhancements. It seems as though Kosh had set up the meetings simply to force Talia to relive horrible memories so Abbot could record them for him for some unspecified purpose. Talia isn't terribly pleased by this but there is nothing she can do now Kosh has what he wanted.
This episode consistently makes it into my Top 10 B5 episodes, simply because on the one hand it shows that the diplomatic mission of the Babylon stations works, but also shows that even though the great powers put on a facade of wanting to be just and righteous, they will quite happily ignore this when presented with some sort of massive gain.
This episode also marks the only canon appearance of a member of the Dilgar species, Jha'Dur, who is brilliantly played by Sarah Douglas. The Dilgar are mentioned again sporadically throughout the B5 series and throughout the expanded universe of the films, games and books, however this is the only time we actually get to see one, which is hardly surprising as this episode states that Jha'Dur is the last Dilgar in existence due to their race dying out.
The sub plot of Kosh using Talia in order to record her memories and emotions is also a nice touch, as it more firmly cements the Vorlons as being an enigmatic race of manipulators, however at this point in the B5 timeline it is not specified as to why they would do such things.
Talia Winters is commissioned by Ambassador Kosh to sit in on a meeting he is having, Talia is initially wary as he refuses to reveal any details of the meeting but is compelled to accept his offer as he has already logged the relevant documentations and made a more than generous payment to her.
Meanwhile, Na'Toth waits at the docking bay for a Narn negotiator to arrive, however while she is waiting, she spots an alien woman disembarking from a Minbari ship. Na'Toth charges forward and delivers a vicious beating to the woman whilst screaming "Deathwalker!".
Episode
While Dr. Franklin cares for the female alien in medbay, Sinclair and Garibaldi discuss the patient, as Franklin has had difficulty identifying her species, but also her identification and clothing are of Minbari origin, when she is clearly not Minbari.
Na'Toth is under arrest for the unprovoked assault, and she explains that she attacked the woman, whom she identifies as the Dilgar war criminal Jha'Dur, AKA "Deathwalker", due to a family vendetta. She explains that 30 years ago, the Dilgar conquered a Narn colony world and Jha'Dur used the conquered population to perform medical experiments on. Most of the people that were on that planet were killed, however Na'Toths grandfather escaped, but not before he had had a device implanted in his brain which slowly killed him, thus, Na'Toths family swore vengeance against Deathwalker.
Na'Toth is released into G'Kars custody but under house arrest, where G'Kar admonishes her for her behaviour as their negotiator was supposed to be meeting with Jha'Dur to conduct a secret negotiation for something that she has.
Talia's meeting with Kosh goes ahead as planned, however she is somewhat disturbed when the man he is meeting turns out to be a human who behaves in a bizarre manner, and both he and Kosh communicate in a series of seemingly random and cryptic statements.
Using Earth Alliance records, Sinclair identifies the woman in medbay as being Jha'Dur, however both he and Dr. Franklin find it difficult to believe that it is her, as the Dilgar race died out some 30 years previously, and the woman they have before them is too young to be Jha'Dur, and too old to be her daughter. Garibaldi searches through the woman's possessions and finds a Dilgar military uniform, as well as an ampoule of some drug which neither he nor Franklin can identify.
The woman is brought round and proudly identifies herself as being Jha'Dur, last of the Dilgar, and much to all concerns surprise, she identifies the drug as being a serum which allows the user to live forever.
Sinclair is ordered to have Jha'Dur transported to Earth immediately, however word soon gets out that they have her in custody, and, as Jha'Dur is wanted for crimes against sentience by nearly all of the other worlds represented on B5, moving her proves difficult, especially when as they are escorting her to a ship bound for Earth, all of the representatives of the League of non-aligned worlds block their way, and state that they would rather be killed than let her escape. Sinclair orders Jha'Dur back to her cell, and convenes a meeting of the B5 council.
Talia attends the second meeting between Kosh and Abbot, and is becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the proceedings, as she cannot read any thoughts in Abbots mind, nor can she understand the random gibberish both participants are spouting, she also starts experiencing strange and violent memories in her mind.However, she is unable to back out of the contract she has with Kosh, and Kosh isn't giving her any meaningful answers when she asks what is going on.
The B5 council convenes to discuss what should be done with Jha'Dur, with all the major powers attending except for Kosh, who tells Sinclair he doesn't want anything to do with the matter.. The League representative makes an impassioned speech outlining the crimes of the Dilgar during their invasion of their worlds, and calls for Jha'Dur to be put on trial as soon as possible for her crimes, with the trial to be held on Babylon 5 itself, as it is considered neutral ground.
Londo states the position of the Centauri Republic is one of disinterest as the Dilgar committed no crimes against them, and thus he votes "No"
G'Kar states that the Narn Reigme will vote "Yes", provided the trial take place on Narn, the League refuse for this to happen, so he quickly changes his vote to "No".
Sinclair states that the Vorlons abstain from the proceedings, but adds that on behalf of the Earth Alliance he votes "Yes".
Lennier, who is sitting in on the vote due to Delenns absence states that like the Centauri, the Minbari Federation has no conflict with the Dilgar or Jha'Dur, therefore their vote is "No".
Sinclair states that with 2 "yes" votes, 3 "no" votes and 1 abstention, the matter cannot clearly be agreed upon, so an alternative solution will have to be arranged. This causes an uproar amongst the League representatives, all of whom withdraw from the council in protest.
After everyone has left, Lennier admits that he would have voted yes, however he was ordered to vote no, being as the Minbari government are ashamed to admit in public that they sheltered Jha'Dur and their warrior caste used weapons during the Earth-Minbari war that had been provided to them by her.
Within minutes Babylon 5 is surrounded by warships from the various League worlds, all of whom demand the immediate surrender of Jha'Dur into their hands, however Ivanova manages to stall them by starting an argument over which race has the greater claim on her, with the right to open fire first going to the side that decides it has the best claim. Meanwhile, Sinclair reveals the existence of the immortality serum to the League representatives, and manages to come to a deal in which Jha'Dur will be transported to Earth where the serum will be researched and analysed by both human and League scientists, and once the research is complete, Jha'Dur will be handed over to the League to do with as they please. The League agrees to this and their warships depart.
Talia's final meeting between Kosh and Abbot takes place, once again they exchange nonsense conversation, before Kosh asks if Talia understands the meaning, at which point she it hit by a very sudden and clear memory of a man assaulting and attempting to murder her. Kosh states that their business is concluded, at which point Abbot removes his hat to reveal he has cybernetic devices grafted into his exposed brain matter. He removes a data crystal from his brain, hands it to Kosh and then leaves. Kosh once again offers no explanation as to what has occurred, except to say that the crystal contained "fear and terror", which he plans to save "for later". Talia is left feeling upset and somewhat distraught.
Sinclair and Garibaldi watch Jha'Dur change into her military uniform ready for her deportation. While she does so she states that although most species view the Dilgar as bloodthirsty and cruel, this will pale into insignificance once her immortality serum becomes available for widespread use, as its main active ingredient requires that a living being be killed in order for the recipient to become immortal, thus, in the quest for immortality, all other species will become as vile and evil as the Dilgar were, which is what she wanted all along, because as she says "the millions that live forever will be a testament to my work, whereas the millions who die will carry on my legacy".
The shuttle carrying Jha'Dur departs B5 while the assembled diplomats watch its departure on the stations monitors, but just as it is about to enter hyperspace, a Vorlon ship appears and destroys it. Kosh, who had arrived unnoticed is asked why this happened, to which he enigmatically replies "you are not ready for immortality", before leaving again.
Epilogue
Talia approaches Sinclair and states her concerns about Koshs behaviour towards her during his meetings with Abbot, and how during the meetings she experienced what appeared to be forced visions of memories she had scanned during her earlier employment as a psychic witness during a particularly brutal murder case some years earlier. Garibaldi recognises the name "Abbot" as belonging to a man he knows is a "Vicar", (a mispronunciation of the letters VCR) . Vicars are living recording devices, capable of recording sight, sound, smells and even brain activity via their cybernetic enhancements. It seems as though Kosh had set up the meetings simply to force Talia to relive horrible memories so Abbot could record them for him for some unspecified purpose. Talia isn't terribly pleased by this but there is nothing she can do now Kosh has what he wanted.
This episode consistently makes it into my Top 10 B5 episodes, simply because on the one hand it shows that the diplomatic mission of the Babylon stations works, but also shows that even though the great powers put on a facade of wanting to be just and righteous, they will quite happily ignore this when presented with some sort of massive gain.
This episode also marks the only canon appearance of a member of the Dilgar species, Jha'Dur, who is brilliantly played by Sarah Douglas. The Dilgar are mentioned again sporadically throughout the B5 series and throughout the expanded universe of the films, games and books, however this is the only time we actually get to see one, which is hardly surprising as this episode states that Jha'Dur is the last Dilgar in existence due to their race dying out.
The sub plot of Kosh using Talia in order to record her memories and emotions is also a nice touch, as it more firmly cements the Vorlons as being an enigmatic race of manipulators, however at this point in the B5 timeline it is not specified as to why they would do such things.
Tuesday, 15 July 2014
EPis0dIC! - The Addams Family - Morticia's Romance (parts 1 & 2) - 1965
Part 1
At the stroke of midnight, Gomez presents Morticia with a gift, and wishes her a happy 13th anniversary. The other members of the family, Fester, Grandmama, Wednesday and Pugsley enter via a fireman's pole and with Gomez and Morticia a happy anniversary too.
Gomez says he cant believe that he and Morticia have been married for 13 years (to go by the time frame of the series, this would mean that they married in 1952), but as Grandmama points out, the wedding very nearly didn't happen. Wednesday asks why, so Morticia gathers the family around and tells the tale of how Gomez was originally to marry her older sister, Ophelia, in an arranged marriage....
....13 years ago....
A much younger Grandmama Addams berates her 22 year old son Gomez for being a hypochondriac, as he and Lurch work a contraption which is designed to help Gomez's supposed bronchitis.
The doorbell rings and in enters Hester Frump (Played by Margaret Hamilton, aka "The wicked witch of the west" ), Grandmamas old school friend,who has brought her daughter Ophelia to introduce to Gomez before their arranged wedding.
Ophelia (played by Carolyn Jones in a dual role) is very perky, but air headed, and wears white clothing and carries a bunch of daisies that she enjoys sniffing as well as pulling the petals off. Gomez takes a dislike to her as soon as she introduces herself to him by throwing him across the room with a judo throw, however, when Mrs Frump introduces her other daughter, Morticia, whom she says she wanted to keep out of the way until she gets Ophelia married off, Gomez takes an immediate shine to her.
Soon enough, Gomez and Morticia fall in love, as their bizarre habits and interests compliment each other perfectly, plus Gomez gets overcome with lust and passion whenever Morticia speaks French, so much so in fact, that for the first time in his life, he doesn't feel ill whenever he is with her. Eventually, Gomez kisses Morticia for the first time, and makes the decision that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her.
The union however will be difficult, being as their respective mothers have already begun planning the wedding of Gomez to Ophelia, So Morticia calls her Uncle Fester to see if he has any advice, but he has none, save that anyone who wants to marry Ophelia must have a screw loose.
Morticia sends Pugsley and Wednesday to bed, promising to finish the story some other time.
Part 2
Morticia and Gomez are still awake, enjoying the thunderstorm that has begun on the night of their anniversary. Pugsley and Wednesday sneak downstairs and ask for Morticia to finish her story...
The wedding plans are well underway, however Mrs Frump and Grandmama quibble over the dowry, Mrs Frump offers a large amount of money in return for financial assets being signed over to Ophelia, finally, a bargain is struck and it is decided they will have a quickie wedding in the Addams house at 2pm that day.
Uncle Fester arrives and Morticia informs him of what has happened, so Fester vows to match make Ophelia with someone else, settling on Cousin Itt. Initially, his attempts at matchmaking seem successful, however Ophelia and Itt don't seem to get on too well.
With only an hour to go before the wedding, Gomez hides, but is eventually found by Morticia and Fester hiding in a secret room in the basement. Gomez explains that he cannot tell Ophelia that he doesn't want to marry her, because he is a coward. Fester and Morticia try to help Gomez overcome his shyness by role playing him refusing to marry Ophelia, he eventually manages to do it, but then backs down at the last minute and decides to go through with the wedding anyway.
At the ceremony, when the preist asks if anyone objects to the wedding, Gomez tries to back out of it by explaining to Ophelia that he feels unworthy, however Ophelia has a surprise of her own, and declares that she prefers Cousin Itt.
Gomez and Morticia marry as soon ad Ophelia leaves with Itt.
Wednesday asks if Ophelia ever married Cousin Itt, but Morticia says that it was just a summer romance, while Gomez says that Cousin Itt was too much of a playboy to settle down.
The children are once again sent back to bed, Gomez suggests that he and Morticia should retire for the night too, but Morticia insists on finishing the painting she is working on, as she wants to perfectly capture the lightning. At that second, a lightning bolt his the canvas, tearing a huge hole in it, to which she exclaims "i've captured it!"
I like these two episodes as they are probably one of a handful of this 65 episode series which actually attempts to provide a backstory to the family, something which the original comic version never did. Margaret Hamilton as Mrs. Frump was a genius casting decision, as was the decision for Carolyn Jones to play her own sister as a mirror of her more well known Morticia character. Another great decision was for John Astin to portray the much younger Gomez as being a hypochondirac nervous wreck, who was pretty much saved from a life of misery and self imposed victimhood by the chance meeting of the love of his life.
At the stroke of midnight, Gomez presents Morticia with a gift, and wishes her a happy 13th anniversary. The other members of the family, Fester, Grandmama, Wednesday and Pugsley enter via a fireman's pole and with Gomez and Morticia a happy anniversary too.
Gomez says he cant believe that he and Morticia have been married for 13 years (to go by the time frame of the series, this would mean that they married in 1952), but as Grandmama points out, the wedding very nearly didn't happen. Wednesday asks why, so Morticia gathers the family around and tells the tale of how Gomez was originally to marry her older sister, Ophelia, in an arranged marriage....
....13 years ago....
A much younger Grandmama Addams berates her 22 year old son Gomez for being a hypochondriac, as he and Lurch work a contraption which is designed to help Gomez's supposed bronchitis.
The doorbell rings and in enters Hester Frump (Played by Margaret Hamilton, aka "The wicked witch of the west" ), Grandmamas old school friend,who has brought her daughter Ophelia to introduce to Gomez before their arranged wedding.
Ophelia (played by Carolyn Jones in a dual role) is very perky, but air headed, and wears white clothing and carries a bunch of daisies that she enjoys sniffing as well as pulling the petals off. Gomez takes a dislike to her as soon as she introduces herself to him by throwing him across the room with a judo throw, however, when Mrs Frump introduces her other daughter, Morticia, whom she says she wanted to keep out of the way until she gets Ophelia married off, Gomez takes an immediate shine to her.
Soon enough, Gomez and Morticia fall in love, as their bizarre habits and interests compliment each other perfectly, plus Gomez gets overcome with lust and passion whenever Morticia speaks French, so much so in fact, that for the first time in his life, he doesn't feel ill whenever he is with her. Eventually, Gomez kisses Morticia for the first time, and makes the decision that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her.
The union however will be difficult, being as their respective mothers have already begun planning the wedding of Gomez to Ophelia, So Morticia calls her Uncle Fester to see if he has any advice, but he has none, save that anyone who wants to marry Ophelia must have a screw loose.
Morticia sends Pugsley and Wednesday to bed, promising to finish the story some other time.
Part 2
Morticia and Gomez are still awake, enjoying the thunderstorm that has begun on the night of their anniversary. Pugsley and Wednesday sneak downstairs and ask for Morticia to finish her story...
The wedding plans are well underway, however Mrs Frump and Grandmama quibble over the dowry, Mrs Frump offers a large amount of money in return for financial assets being signed over to Ophelia, finally, a bargain is struck and it is decided they will have a quickie wedding in the Addams house at 2pm that day.
Uncle Fester arrives and Morticia informs him of what has happened, so Fester vows to match make Ophelia with someone else, settling on Cousin Itt. Initially, his attempts at matchmaking seem successful, however Ophelia and Itt don't seem to get on too well.
With only an hour to go before the wedding, Gomez hides, but is eventually found by Morticia and Fester hiding in a secret room in the basement. Gomez explains that he cannot tell Ophelia that he doesn't want to marry her, because he is a coward. Fester and Morticia try to help Gomez overcome his shyness by role playing him refusing to marry Ophelia, he eventually manages to do it, but then backs down at the last minute and decides to go through with the wedding anyway.
At the ceremony, when the preist asks if anyone objects to the wedding, Gomez tries to back out of it by explaining to Ophelia that he feels unworthy, however Ophelia has a surprise of her own, and declares that she prefers Cousin Itt.
Gomez and Morticia marry as soon ad Ophelia leaves with Itt.
Wednesday asks if Ophelia ever married Cousin Itt, but Morticia says that it was just a summer romance, while Gomez says that Cousin Itt was too much of a playboy to settle down.
The children are once again sent back to bed, Gomez suggests that he and Morticia should retire for the night too, but Morticia insists on finishing the painting she is working on, as she wants to perfectly capture the lightning. At that second, a lightning bolt his the canvas, tearing a huge hole in it, to which she exclaims "i've captured it!"
I like these two episodes as they are probably one of a handful of this 65 episode series which actually attempts to provide a backstory to the family, something which the original comic version never did. Margaret Hamilton as Mrs. Frump was a genius casting decision, as was the decision for Carolyn Jones to play her own sister as a mirror of her more well known Morticia character. Another great decision was for John Astin to portray the much younger Gomez as being a hypochondirac nervous wreck, who was pretty much saved from a life of misery and self imposed victimhood by the chance meeting of the love of his life.
Sunday, 13 July 2014
Anime Review:- Yu Gi Oh! Zexal
Yu gi Oh! Zexal (pronounced "ZECK-sul" in the English dub, and "ZAY-al" in the Japanese version) was a 2011-2012 anime series based on the ongoing manga series, and forms the fourth entry in the Yu Gi Oh anime franchise.
Set many years after the events of 5Ds, the series makes a shift back to the more fun orientated days of GX, but still retains some serious overtones, although not half as grim as some sections of 5Ds were.
In this series, Duel Monsters is still a popular game, however by this time, the 3d holograms and duel discs of previous eras have been replaced by an augmented reality system, controlled and viewed via a system known as the "Duel Gazer", which superimposes creatures and battlefields over existing terrain.
Most of the series' action takes place in Heartland City, home to Yuma Tsukumo, a teenage boy who lives with his grandfather after his parents vanished in mysterious circumstances (this is one of many parallels between Yuma and Yugi Moto).
One of the recent crazes in the Duel monsters game is the introduction of XYZ (pronounced "ECK-seez") monsters, a new game mechanic which allows players to fuse their existing monsters to summon a special, and usually very powerful, creature from their extra deck, however, at the beginning of the series, Yuma has still to obtain any XYZ monster cards, never mind play them, which puts a bit of a damper on his ambition to become the worlds number one duellist.
During one duel though, Yuma finds that the pendant given to him years ago by his father contains a secret, it is actually a mystical key which allows him to travel into another plane of existence, which in turn frees a being named "Astral". Astral came to Earth many centuries before but was involved in an accident which erased his memory, and the only way he can regain his memories is by helping Yuma collect the "numbers", a series of 101 XYZ monster cards, each of which contain some of his memories. Matters are made more difficult due to the fact that only Yuma and a handful of other people can actually see Astral, so many people assume Yuma is crazy when he starts talking, and sometimes arguing, with himself during duels. However, Astral and Yuma find that they can combine their bodies and fight as one, which makes defeating some of their more powerful opponents much simpler, as Astrals duelling skill can combine with Yumas enthusiasm and resourcefulness.
Zexals original run of 73 episodes was followed up by Zexal II (Zexal second) which ran for another 73 episodes from 2012 to 2014.
Zexal II continued Yuma and Astrals adventures as they struggle to save Earth from invasion by a race of aliens called the Barian, who are enemies of Astrals people and agents of chaos.
Zexal isn't a bad series, its much more fun than 5Ds but still struggles to recapture the fun atmosphere of GX. The series introduces (and grossly exaggerates) the XYZ mechanic to the game, and as such most of the series' storylines revolve around the search for and use of XYZ related cards, at the expense of many much more popular cards that are/were being used in the real world game, but that is to be expected as the series was basically a long advertisement intended to sell game cards to the viewer.
I don't mind this series, but its certainly not the best one, with over the top characters and sometimes difficult to follow plots (probably something lost in translation), although I must say that the animation quality of the show is spectacular, with some of the duels being fairly exciting to watch.
I think that what they were trying to do with this series was essentially a reboot to the franchise, hence why there are so many similarities between Yuma and Yugi, but it just didn't seem to work terribly well.
Set many years after the events of 5Ds, the series makes a shift back to the more fun orientated days of GX, but still retains some serious overtones, although not half as grim as some sections of 5Ds were.
In this series, Duel Monsters is still a popular game, however by this time, the 3d holograms and duel discs of previous eras have been replaced by an augmented reality system, controlled and viewed via a system known as the "Duel Gazer", which superimposes creatures and battlefields over existing terrain.
Most of the series' action takes place in Heartland City, home to Yuma Tsukumo, a teenage boy who lives with his grandfather after his parents vanished in mysterious circumstances (this is one of many parallels between Yuma and Yugi Moto).
One of the recent crazes in the Duel monsters game is the introduction of XYZ (pronounced "ECK-seez") monsters, a new game mechanic which allows players to fuse their existing monsters to summon a special, and usually very powerful, creature from their extra deck, however, at the beginning of the series, Yuma has still to obtain any XYZ monster cards, never mind play them, which puts a bit of a damper on his ambition to become the worlds number one duellist.
During one duel though, Yuma finds that the pendant given to him years ago by his father contains a secret, it is actually a mystical key which allows him to travel into another plane of existence, which in turn frees a being named "Astral". Astral came to Earth many centuries before but was involved in an accident which erased his memory, and the only way he can regain his memories is by helping Yuma collect the "numbers", a series of 101 XYZ monster cards, each of which contain some of his memories. Matters are made more difficult due to the fact that only Yuma and a handful of other people can actually see Astral, so many people assume Yuma is crazy when he starts talking, and sometimes arguing, with himself during duels. However, Astral and Yuma find that they can combine their bodies and fight as one, which makes defeating some of their more powerful opponents much simpler, as Astrals duelling skill can combine with Yumas enthusiasm and resourcefulness.
Zexals original run of 73 episodes was followed up by Zexal II (Zexal second) which ran for another 73 episodes from 2012 to 2014.
Zexal II continued Yuma and Astrals adventures as they struggle to save Earth from invasion by a race of aliens called the Barian, who are enemies of Astrals people and agents of chaos.
Zexal isn't a bad series, its much more fun than 5Ds but still struggles to recapture the fun atmosphere of GX. The series introduces (and grossly exaggerates) the XYZ mechanic to the game, and as such most of the series' storylines revolve around the search for and use of XYZ related cards, at the expense of many much more popular cards that are/were being used in the real world game, but that is to be expected as the series was basically a long advertisement intended to sell game cards to the viewer.
I don't mind this series, but its certainly not the best one, with over the top characters and sometimes difficult to follow plots (probably something lost in translation), although I must say that the animation quality of the show is spectacular, with some of the duels being fairly exciting to watch.
I think that what they were trying to do with this series was essentially a reboot to the franchise, hence why there are so many similarities between Yuma and Yugi, but it just didn't seem to work terribly well.
Anime Review:- Yu Gi Oh! 5D's
Yu Gi Oh! 5Ds (meaning "5 Dragons") was the 2008 follow up to Yu Gi Oh! GX, and was based on the manga of the same name.
Running for 154 episodes (although not all of them were dubbed for western release), 5Ds marked an, albeit unsuccessful, attempt to make the series take on a more serious tone, this time round being aimed at the older teen/young adult market, this is fairly evident throughout the first three series (episodes #1 to #65), however the "seriousness" was toned down somewhat afterwards.
Set roughly 10 to 20 years after the events of Yu Gi Oh! GX, most of the series' action takes place in and around "New Domino City", a new technologically advanced utopia built on the remains of the original Domino city (as seen in the original Yu Gi Oh! anime) which is powered by a mysterious power source known as "Ener-D". However, all is not good in paradise, as for the most part, the society of New Domino City is a very elitist one, with "undesirables" being banished to a run down area of the city named "satellite", which is located on an island in New Domino's bay, and once you set foot there, you arent legally allowed to leave (although on rare occasions, exceptions to this rule are made, so long as the rich people see some advantage in it for themselves,which doesnt happen often).
In this future time, the power source "Ener-D", or "Duel energy" as it is sometimes called, has been discovered to be a plentiful source of clean, cheap energy, so much so that it literally powers everything in both New Domino and Satellite. Ener-D is is produced by collecting and harnessing the power generated by people both watching and participating in Duel monsters competition, the more exciting the duel, the more Ener-D is created.
This has led to the invention of a new and more risky type of dueling known as the "Turbo Duel", in which participants ride on Ener-D powered motorcycles (called "Duel Runners") around increasingly dangerous courses, all whilst playing a game of Duel Monsters.
Yuusei Fudo is a resident of Satellite, and the son of one of the scientists who first discovered the properties of Ener-D. Yuusei is a tough street smart kid, and a fairly good duelist, who aspires to leave Satellite behind and make a life for himself in New Domino, however circumstances conspire against him, most notably the fact that residents of Satellite are not allowed to leave the island.
Yuusei manages to get off the island, and eventually runs across a former friend turned enemy, but he also learns that he is one of the fabled "Dark Signers", five individuals descended from an ancient people who are destined to use the five sacred dragons to save the world from evil.
Initially the series is a very dry watch, with the overall message highlighting the every day struggles of the disadvantaged to overcome their lot in life and make something better for themselves, but from about series 2 onwards, the tone of the series returns to the fantasy/adventure type storytelling commonly associated with the previous series, with bad guys showing up and trying to take over/destroy the world with their various evil plans etc.
The series was heavily critisised for the invention of "Turbo Duels", which make very little sense, however the series did see the introduction of the "Synchro summon" game mechanic, which changed the strategic options available to players in the real life card game as well as characters within the series (although like previous series, many cards shown on screen and their effects are somewhat exaggerated, or just completely different to how they behave in real life)
I didn't enjoy the series that much, its attempt to darken the storylines spectacularly backfired as storylines became difficult to follow, or just plain boring. None of the characters were particularly interesting, in fact, other than Yuusei himself, I couldnt tell you any of the other characters names, simply because none of them really mattered much.
I would have to say that of all the five (at the time of writing anyway) Yu Gi Oh anime series', 5Ds is most definitely the weakest and least memorable, lacking the epic storyline of the original series, or the fun factor of GX.
Running for 154 episodes (although not all of them were dubbed for western release), 5Ds marked an, albeit unsuccessful, attempt to make the series take on a more serious tone, this time round being aimed at the older teen/young adult market, this is fairly evident throughout the first three series (episodes #1 to #65), however the "seriousness" was toned down somewhat afterwards.
Set roughly 10 to 20 years after the events of Yu Gi Oh! GX, most of the series' action takes place in and around "New Domino City", a new technologically advanced utopia built on the remains of the original Domino city (as seen in the original Yu Gi Oh! anime) which is powered by a mysterious power source known as "Ener-D". However, all is not good in paradise, as for the most part, the society of New Domino City is a very elitist one, with "undesirables" being banished to a run down area of the city named "satellite", which is located on an island in New Domino's bay, and once you set foot there, you arent legally allowed to leave (although on rare occasions, exceptions to this rule are made, so long as the rich people see some advantage in it for themselves,which doesnt happen often).
In this future time, the power source "Ener-D", or "Duel energy" as it is sometimes called, has been discovered to be a plentiful source of clean, cheap energy, so much so that it literally powers everything in both New Domino and Satellite. Ener-D is is produced by collecting and harnessing the power generated by people both watching and participating in Duel monsters competition, the more exciting the duel, the more Ener-D is created.
This has led to the invention of a new and more risky type of dueling known as the "Turbo Duel", in which participants ride on Ener-D powered motorcycles (called "Duel Runners") around increasingly dangerous courses, all whilst playing a game of Duel Monsters.
Yuusei Fudo is a resident of Satellite, and the son of one of the scientists who first discovered the properties of Ener-D. Yuusei is a tough street smart kid, and a fairly good duelist, who aspires to leave Satellite behind and make a life for himself in New Domino, however circumstances conspire against him, most notably the fact that residents of Satellite are not allowed to leave the island.
Yuusei manages to get off the island, and eventually runs across a former friend turned enemy, but he also learns that he is one of the fabled "Dark Signers", five individuals descended from an ancient people who are destined to use the five sacred dragons to save the world from evil.
Initially the series is a very dry watch, with the overall message highlighting the every day struggles of the disadvantaged to overcome their lot in life and make something better for themselves, but from about series 2 onwards, the tone of the series returns to the fantasy/adventure type storytelling commonly associated with the previous series, with bad guys showing up and trying to take over/destroy the world with their various evil plans etc.
The series was heavily critisised for the invention of "Turbo Duels", which make very little sense, however the series did see the introduction of the "Synchro summon" game mechanic, which changed the strategic options available to players in the real life card game as well as characters within the series (although like previous series, many cards shown on screen and their effects are somewhat exaggerated, or just completely different to how they behave in real life)
I didn't enjoy the series that much, its attempt to darken the storylines spectacularly backfired as storylines became difficult to follow, or just plain boring. None of the characters were particularly interesting, in fact, other than Yuusei himself, I couldnt tell you any of the other characters names, simply because none of them really mattered much.
I would have to say that of all the five (at the time of writing anyway) Yu Gi Oh anime series', 5Ds is most definitely the weakest and least memorable, lacking the epic storyline of the original series, or the fun factor of GX.
Saturday, 7 June 2014
Poundland DVD film extravaganza! - "Manborg" (2011) & "$hopping" (1994)
Well, today (Saturday 7th June) has been nothing more than a miserable wet boring day, a bit like a sunday really.
So, to relieve the tedium and try to resist the urge to blow my brains out, I decided to watch a couple of DVDs I bought the other day from Poundland.
Yes, yes I know, Poundland isn't the most respected place in the world, but on the odd occasion, amongst the cheapo plastic bits of tat and low quality clothing imported from far eastern sweatshops they do occasionally have something half decent, which more often than not ends up being either some sort of food item, or something which was previously expensive but somehow ended up being bought in bulk during a liquidation sale or something.
Todays purchases are, as per the title of this scribbling, 2 DVD films entitled "Manborg" and "Shopping".
Manborg (2011 - Astron-6 Films)
A little reading up on this film shows that production began in 2009 and completed in 2010, finally being released after nearly 2 years worth of post production. Astron-6 is a low, low, low budget film studio that specialises in sci-fi/comedy/horror type films, all starring people you have never heard of, sort of like Asylum films, except with a much lower budget.
Speaking of budgets, this film was made with a budget of approximately $1000 Canadian dollars (thats roughly £550) , but, we cant hold that against them.
What attracted me to this film was its tagline, which is prominently displayed on the box in big letters "NAZI DEMON UPRISING" ........ "hmmm", thought I, "now if thats not worth a quid, I dunno what is".
I wasnt disappointed either.
From the minute you press "play", you are treated to about 90 minutes of pure, unadulterated silliness, with nazi demon creatures fighting stereotyped human heroes in a bizarre futuristic landscape (all of which is achieved via an excessive but somehow strangely satisfying use of green screen filming techniques). The storyline, or at least what there is of it, is fairly coherent and does just enough so you know whats going on, but doesn't bog your viewing experience down with to much boring exposition, after all, at heart, this film is an action movie.
There's a lot of humour in there, although said humour has its tongue firmly planted in its cheek and relies mainly on one liners, visual gags and comic book esque situation comedy pieces which will leave you with a slight grin at the least and/or a groan followed by a *face/palm* at the most, but trust me, you'll enjoy doing it.
Action scenes take place within a bizarre hybrid world of 80s-esque action movie sequences and anime inspired martial arts fighting as the heroes machine gun, karate chop, stab and flying kick their way through hordes of stop motion created monsters, culminating in a final "Mortal Kombat" esque battle to the death with the main bad guy of the film, "Count Draculon".
Seriously, this film is well worth the quid, trust me, its a nice bit of sci-fi cheese that although its visuals aren't as slick as Hollywood, or even Bollywood, efforts (it pretty much watches like every homebrew fan film you've seen on youtube) but it more than makes up for it with its heart and its ability to effectively make a film in 1980s Hollywood action film style without being too pretentious or just downright bad.
8/10
Shopping (1994 - Film 4 international)
Remember back in the mid to late 90s when the British film industry finally started making films that werent shite for the first time in nearly 20 years?, classics such as "Trainspotting", "Shallow Grave" et al?, well "Shopping" was one of the early ones that no one really remembers.
Starring Jude Law in his first major starring role, along with his future wife Sadie Frost, "Shopping" is one of those films which lets the audience know that being a theiving toerag is glamourous and awesome.
At the time the film was made, the British film industry couldn't make a film without making some mention of criminal activities, Shopping is no different, as it focuses on a group of teenagers who enjoy nothing better than stealing cars, driving them around at high speed before ramming them into shops and stealing anything their little mitts can grab before the rozzers turn up and give them a stern talking to with their bushy moustaches.
For its time, its subject matter was quite relevant, on the one hand, the rise in youth crime was becoming concerning, and the phenomena of "ram raiding" was a particular favourite way for ne'er do wells to get their hands on phat lewt without having to make too much of an effort (today, ram raiding is almost unheard of, due to the fact that most shop keepers and insurance companies found that simply by installing roller shutters and concrete bollards in front of shop doorways and windows, it would prevent scrotes from ramming them down)
So, right at the beginning the film lets you know it fits into the "gritty urban drama" catagory by having the opening credits show you a series of helicopter shots of various industiral factories and such pumping out flames and smoke and so on, all to the background score of some early 90s dance music, we then get introduced to the main character, Billy (Jude Law) who is being released from prison after a 3 month stint for car theft by the local chief inspector (Jonathan Pryce), he thumbs his nose at the establishment by saying the only thing he has learned in prison is not to get caught.
He quickly falls back in to his old habits and goes back to thieving cars so he can drive around various decaying locations in urban London (albeit they tried to disguise said locations to make them appear "generic") whilst spouting 90s youth related expletives such as "booyaka" and so on.
Billys friends are all stereotypes of what film directors though the "disaffected youth" of the 90s were, whom he meets up with in a smoky backstreet to the sound of thumping drum and bass while some other characters spout car engine characteristics the script required them to memorise so you can understand that all these kids care about is living fast and dying young etc etc etc.
Billy and his mates, sorry, "m8s", soon run afoul of the local 10 bob gangsta (a very young looking Sean Pertwee) who is trying to break into the big time by doing jobs for a much more organised and slick mobster (Sean Bean) culminating in Billy planning a big heist by knocking over a massive swanky shopping centre, however this scheme goes awry when it turns out that Billy and his mates have been dobbed in to the police, and find a load of rozzers waiting for them when they try and break in to get their lewt.
Throughout the film, Billy is somewhat childishly obsessed with making a name for himself amongst the ghetto kids by doing feats of daring do and pissing off the local police, even though at numerous points he is offered the opportunity to leave all of it behind and move on, he chooses not to, and the film ends with him and his girly companion laid in the wreck of a car after he tried to prove how much more badass he was than the police.
The character of Billy is somewhat believable, given the context of the film and the time when it was made, but Jude Law manages to make the character proper out of place due to the fact that the urban hero that is Billy speaks in BBC english while everyone around him speaks in ghetto innit.
While this is still a good film, it is chock full of proper dodgy cliches, over exaggerations and stunted awkward dialogue that was very obviously written by someone who had very little clue about "da yoof" were up to in those days, much less any idea about how "gangstas" work.
still, not that bad, but not that good either.
6/10
So, to relieve the tedium and try to resist the urge to blow my brains out, I decided to watch a couple of DVDs I bought the other day from Poundland.
Yes, yes I know, Poundland isn't the most respected place in the world, but on the odd occasion, amongst the cheapo plastic bits of tat and low quality clothing imported from far eastern sweatshops they do occasionally have something half decent, which more often than not ends up being either some sort of food item, or something which was previously expensive but somehow ended up being bought in bulk during a liquidation sale or something.
Todays purchases are, as per the title of this scribbling, 2 DVD films entitled "Manborg" and "Shopping".
Manborg (2011 - Astron-6 Films)
A little reading up on this film shows that production began in 2009 and completed in 2010, finally being released after nearly 2 years worth of post production. Astron-6 is a low, low, low budget film studio that specialises in sci-fi/comedy/horror type films, all starring people you have never heard of, sort of like Asylum films, except with a much lower budget.
Speaking of budgets, this film was made with a budget of approximately $1000 Canadian dollars (thats roughly £550) , but, we cant hold that against them.
What attracted me to this film was its tagline, which is prominently displayed on the box in big letters "NAZI DEMON UPRISING" ........ "hmmm", thought I, "now if thats not worth a quid, I dunno what is".
I wasnt disappointed either.
From the minute you press "play", you are treated to about 90 minutes of pure, unadulterated silliness, with nazi demon creatures fighting stereotyped human heroes in a bizarre futuristic landscape (all of which is achieved via an excessive but somehow strangely satisfying use of green screen filming techniques). The storyline, or at least what there is of it, is fairly coherent and does just enough so you know whats going on, but doesn't bog your viewing experience down with to much boring exposition, after all, at heart, this film is an action movie.
There's a lot of humour in there, although said humour has its tongue firmly planted in its cheek and relies mainly on one liners, visual gags and comic book esque situation comedy pieces which will leave you with a slight grin at the least and/or a groan followed by a *face/palm* at the most, but trust me, you'll enjoy doing it.
Action scenes take place within a bizarre hybrid world of 80s-esque action movie sequences and anime inspired martial arts fighting as the heroes machine gun, karate chop, stab and flying kick their way through hordes of stop motion created monsters, culminating in a final "Mortal Kombat" esque battle to the death with the main bad guy of the film, "Count Draculon".
Seriously, this film is well worth the quid, trust me, its a nice bit of sci-fi cheese that although its visuals aren't as slick as Hollywood, or even Bollywood, efforts (it pretty much watches like every homebrew fan film you've seen on youtube) but it more than makes up for it with its heart and its ability to effectively make a film in 1980s Hollywood action film style without being too pretentious or just downright bad.
8/10
Shopping (1994 - Film 4 international)
Remember back in the mid to late 90s when the British film industry finally started making films that werent shite for the first time in nearly 20 years?, classics such as "Trainspotting", "Shallow Grave" et al?, well "Shopping" was one of the early ones that no one really remembers.
Starring Jude Law in his first major starring role, along with his future wife Sadie Frost, "Shopping" is one of those films which lets the audience know that being a theiving toerag is glamourous and awesome.
At the time the film was made, the British film industry couldn't make a film without making some mention of criminal activities, Shopping is no different, as it focuses on a group of teenagers who enjoy nothing better than stealing cars, driving them around at high speed before ramming them into shops and stealing anything their little mitts can grab before the rozzers turn up and give them a stern talking to with their bushy moustaches.
For its time, its subject matter was quite relevant, on the one hand, the rise in youth crime was becoming concerning, and the phenomena of "ram raiding" was a particular favourite way for ne'er do wells to get their hands on phat lewt without having to make too much of an effort (today, ram raiding is almost unheard of, due to the fact that most shop keepers and insurance companies found that simply by installing roller shutters and concrete bollards in front of shop doorways and windows, it would prevent scrotes from ramming them down)
So, right at the beginning the film lets you know it fits into the "gritty urban drama" catagory by having the opening credits show you a series of helicopter shots of various industiral factories and such pumping out flames and smoke and so on, all to the background score of some early 90s dance music, we then get introduced to the main character, Billy (Jude Law) who is being released from prison after a 3 month stint for car theft by the local chief inspector (Jonathan Pryce), he thumbs his nose at the establishment by saying the only thing he has learned in prison is not to get caught.
He quickly falls back in to his old habits and goes back to thieving cars so he can drive around various decaying locations in urban London (albeit they tried to disguise said locations to make them appear "generic") whilst spouting 90s youth related expletives such as "booyaka" and so on.
Billys friends are all stereotypes of what film directors though the "disaffected youth" of the 90s were, whom he meets up with in a smoky backstreet to the sound of thumping drum and bass while some other characters spout car engine characteristics the script required them to memorise so you can understand that all these kids care about is living fast and dying young etc etc etc.
Billy and his mates, sorry, "m8s", soon run afoul of the local 10 bob gangsta (a very young looking Sean Pertwee) who is trying to break into the big time by doing jobs for a much more organised and slick mobster (Sean Bean) culminating in Billy planning a big heist by knocking over a massive swanky shopping centre, however this scheme goes awry when it turns out that Billy and his mates have been dobbed in to the police, and find a load of rozzers waiting for them when they try and break in to get their lewt.
Throughout the film, Billy is somewhat childishly obsessed with making a name for himself amongst the ghetto kids by doing feats of daring do and pissing off the local police, even though at numerous points he is offered the opportunity to leave all of it behind and move on, he chooses not to, and the film ends with him and his girly companion laid in the wreck of a car after he tried to prove how much more badass he was than the police.
The character of Billy is somewhat believable, given the context of the film and the time when it was made, but Jude Law manages to make the character proper out of place due to the fact that the urban hero that is Billy speaks in BBC english while everyone around him speaks in ghetto innit.
While this is still a good film, it is chock full of proper dodgy cliches, over exaggerations and stunted awkward dialogue that was very obviously written by someone who had very little clue about "da yoof" were up to in those days, much less any idea about how "gangstas" work.
still, not that bad, but not that good either.
6/10
Tuesday, 27 May 2014
Sci-Fi Triple threat! - Oblivion, After Earth & Enders Game
Seeing as how I feel like shit today I decided to break with tradition and watch some modern, mainstream fillums.
Yeah I know, but I'm on some strong medication at the minute so it impairs my ability to think rationally.
So the first offering from Hollywoods organ is:-
Oblivion - (2013)
Hmm, this one is based on a "hugely popular graphic novel" (that I've never heard of) and stars Tom Cruise (bad sign right there), Morgan Freeman (hes roughing it), Olga Kurylenko and some other people, none of whom I have ever heard of.
Plot then..erm, well, first off the film lambasts us for causing a shitload of environmental damage but then says that at some point post the year 2017 we get attacked by ALEONZ!111!!11, whom we promptly beat by nuking the fuck out of our own planet, thus requiring the survivors to up sticks and move to Titan (umm, why not mars?, no seriously, it is the best prospect for human colonisation and its much bigger and closer than fucking Titan...*face/palm*).
So yadda yadda yadda, Tom Cruise does some hero shit and saves the day...if you wanna know the full plot go watch it....however, I do have the following criticisms, which are spoilers:-
#1 - Cliche-o-rama.
If you can think of a cliche, this film has it.
There's the obligatory implied sex scenes (in order to give the audience some level of titillation while at the same time making sure that it is suitable for teen aged audiences), theres an aerial chase scene in which the aircraft is flown into and chased along a canyon, escaping by flying through an impossibly narrow crack, there's a machine gun battle, there are drawn out "kung fu esque" fist fights, and at one point, Mr Cruise gets to ride a motorbike (like he does in nearly every film he is in)
#2 - "you will find this woman attractive".
Hollywood likes to tell the male audience who they should have sexual fantasies over, and in which order of preference they should play with themselves over the pieces of meat that are paraded on screen.
In this case, we are initially told to find Andrea Riseborough attractive, because for some reason she seems to spend most of the film being stereotypically British, as well as having seemingly permanently dialated pupils (a sign of female sexual arousal). She also spends a lot of time wearing just enough so that you cant see any skin, but not so much as you don't get a hint of tit from time to time (although you get full on arse when she decides to go for random swim, however thanks to the miracle of airbrushing, there's no boob or pubic region on show - sowwee boys, but this is a 12a cert film).
All of this careful teasing though goes straight out the window once Olga character makes her appearance, in which case she becomes the main lust interest of the piece but operates under the same rules, no skin, "funny" accent and oddly enough but something I'm noticing a lot in modern films, "women go barefoot during emotional scenes"...yeah, keep a look out for it, every time an emotional scene/romantic scene is played out in this movie, the women are always barefoot, but during scenes where they are supposed to be relaxing or conducting business type dialogue, they suddenly remember to wear their stiletto heels. Hollywood has a foot fetish.
#3 - Heroic bloodshed.
The films two heroes gets to die a glorious death to save the human race, but one of them manages to come back (hint: its not the black guy)...yeah I know this should really be a cliche but seriously, its a cop out ending.
So all in all, I Give Oblivion a 7 out of 10, because although its a cliche ridden piece of cheese, its still somewhat entertaining and the visual effects are quite pretty to look at. Id have given it an 8/10, but the wooden acting and cliche shit put me off.
After Earth - 2013
So, this one is based on an idea by Will Smith himself, so he did what he usually does and casts himself and his son in the two lead roles.
I'm not gonna bother going into the plot for this one because simply put, there isn't anything really worth mentioning.
Suffice to say,t his entire film is a simple "why does my daddy not love me" story which didn't need to have the sci-fi element tacked on to it (the story could easilly have been told in modern times with father and son being out on a camping trip together or something), being as that the only real major plot element hinges on "Kitai" (Smith jr) getting his daddys (Smith sr) respect by overcoming his fear and killing a bear-monster in order to save his injured dad.
An awful piece of pseudo sci-fi trash which is obviously influenced in some manner by scientology, and goes on way, way too long to be interesting in any way, shape or form.
3/10 - simply for some impressive special effects.
Enders Game - 2013
Based on the popular sci-fi/moralising series of novels by Orson Scott Card, the film stars Harrison Ford, Ben Kingsley and some kids who ive never heard of.
Essentially a "Harry Potter in space" type affair, Enders game tells the story of a young outcast who manages to get ahead in life simply by being smarter than just about everyone around him, although that said, his childlike naivete doesnt allow him to see when he is being manipulated.
I quite enjoyed this film, out of the three I watched tonight, it was my favourite. Although some of the scenes in the film watch like bad passages from any number of "weird school" type books (which in essence is the archetype that Enders game falls into, hence why I said "Harry Potter in space"), and the film tones down the level of violence and aggression found in the original book somewhat, the main storyline manages to survive on to film more or less intact.
Harrison Ford makes a good performance as the ruthless and pragmatic colonel Graff, and even Asa Butterfield manages to play "Ender" Wiggins very well, alternating between his naive childlike state to his ruthless and sometimes sadistic state without making it seem false or forced.
The story itself is an interesting one, which essentially boils down to a tale of a young man striving for acceptance and eventually learning to firstly accept the consequences of his actions, and secondly to take an active role in controlling his own life and destiny, rather than simply tagging along for the ride as many of his contemporaries do.
The film also takes on the subject of bullying in a fairly positive way, commending careful consideration of options before taking matters into your own hands.
Yeah, I liked this film - 9/10
Yeah I know, but I'm on some strong medication at the minute so it impairs my ability to think rationally.
So the first offering from Hollywoods organ is:-
Oblivion - (2013)
Hmm, this one is based on a "hugely popular graphic novel" (that I've never heard of) and stars Tom Cruise (bad sign right there), Morgan Freeman (hes roughing it), Olga Kurylenko and some other people, none of whom I have ever heard of.
Plot then..erm, well, first off the film lambasts us for causing a shitload of environmental damage but then says that at some point post the year 2017 we get attacked by ALEONZ!111!!11, whom we promptly beat by nuking the fuck out of our own planet, thus requiring the survivors to up sticks and move to Titan (umm, why not mars?, no seriously, it is the best prospect for human colonisation and its much bigger and closer than fucking Titan...*face/palm*).
So yadda yadda yadda, Tom Cruise does some hero shit and saves the day...if you wanna know the full plot go watch it....however, I do have the following criticisms, which are spoilers:-
#1 - Cliche-o-rama.
If you can think of a cliche, this film has it.
There's the obligatory implied sex scenes (in order to give the audience some level of titillation while at the same time making sure that it is suitable for teen aged audiences), theres an aerial chase scene in which the aircraft is flown into and chased along a canyon, escaping by flying through an impossibly narrow crack, there's a machine gun battle, there are drawn out "kung fu esque" fist fights, and at one point, Mr Cruise gets to ride a motorbike (like he does in nearly every film he is in)
#2 - "you will find this woman attractive".
Hollywood likes to tell the male audience who they should have sexual fantasies over, and in which order of preference they should play with themselves over the pieces of meat that are paraded on screen.
In this case, we are initially told to find Andrea Riseborough attractive, because for some reason she seems to spend most of the film being stereotypically British, as well as having seemingly permanently dialated pupils (a sign of female sexual arousal). She also spends a lot of time wearing just enough so that you cant see any skin, but not so much as you don't get a hint of tit from time to time (although you get full on arse when she decides to go for random swim, however thanks to the miracle of airbrushing, there's no boob or pubic region on show - sowwee boys, but this is a 12a cert film).
All of this careful teasing though goes straight out the window once Olga character makes her appearance, in which case she becomes the main lust interest of the piece but operates under the same rules, no skin, "funny" accent and oddly enough but something I'm noticing a lot in modern films, "women go barefoot during emotional scenes"...yeah, keep a look out for it, every time an emotional scene/romantic scene is played out in this movie, the women are always barefoot, but during scenes where they are supposed to be relaxing or conducting business type dialogue, they suddenly remember to wear their stiletto heels. Hollywood has a foot fetish.
#3 - Heroic bloodshed.
The films two heroes gets to die a glorious death to save the human race, but one of them manages to come back (hint: its not the black guy)...yeah I know this should really be a cliche but seriously, its a cop out ending.
So all in all, I Give Oblivion a 7 out of 10, because although its a cliche ridden piece of cheese, its still somewhat entertaining and the visual effects are quite pretty to look at. Id have given it an 8/10, but the wooden acting and cliche shit put me off.
After Earth - 2013
So, this one is based on an idea by Will Smith himself, so he did what he usually does and casts himself and his son in the two lead roles.
I'm not gonna bother going into the plot for this one because simply put, there isn't anything really worth mentioning.
Suffice to say,t his entire film is a simple "why does my daddy not love me" story which didn't need to have the sci-fi element tacked on to it (the story could easilly have been told in modern times with father and son being out on a camping trip together or something), being as that the only real major plot element hinges on "Kitai" (Smith jr) getting his daddys (Smith sr) respect by overcoming his fear and killing a bear-monster in order to save his injured dad.
An awful piece of pseudo sci-fi trash which is obviously influenced in some manner by scientology, and goes on way, way too long to be interesting in any way, shape or form.
3/10 - simply for some impressive special effects.
Enders Game - 2013
Based on the popular sci-fi/moralising series of novels by Orson Scott Card, the film stars Harrison Ford, Ben Kingsley and some kids who ive never heard of.
Essentially a "Harry Potter in space" type affair, Enders game tells the story of a young outcast who manages to get ahead in life simply by being smarter than just about everyone around him, although that said, his childlike naivete doesnt allow him to see when he is being manipulated.
I quite enjoyed this film, out of the three I watched tonight, it was my favourite. Although some of the scenes in the film watch like bad passages from any number of "weird school" type books (which in essence is the archetype that Enders game falls into, hence why I said "Harry Potter in space"), and the film tones down the level of violence and aggression found in the original book somewhat, the main storyline manages to survive on to film more or less intact.
Harrison Ford makes a good performance as the ruthless and pragmatic colonel Graff, and even Asa Butterfield manages to play "Ender" Wiggins very well, alternating between his naive childlike state to his ruthless and sometimes sadistic state without making it seem false or forced.
The story itself is an interesting one, which essentially boils down to a tale of a young man striving for acceptance and eventually learning to firstly accept the consequences of his actions, and secondly to take an active role in controlling his own life and destiny, rather than simply tagging along for the ride as many of his contemporaries do.
The film also takes on the subject of bullying in a fairly positive way, commending careful consideration of options before taking matters into your own hands.
Yeah, I liked this film - 9/10
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