EPis0dIC! - Hyperdrive "A gift from the Glish" (Se1 E01 - 2006)

In the year 2151, the Wendover class starship HMS Camden Lock travels the stars, protecting and promoting British interests in the wider universe.

Captain Michael Henderson (aka "Mike", "Lucky Jack", "Hendo") and diplomatic officer Chloe Teal welcome representatives of the Glish on board (after he stops his weapons officer from firing missiles at their approaching ship) in order to conduct trade negotiations, with a view to the Glish setting up businesses in the Peterborough area.
Unfortunately though, the Glish are a repulsive species, whose various bodily orifices exude a disgusting mucus, and whose greeting ritual includes having them lick the hands of those whom they are meeting with.
The trade negotiations seem to go well though, regardless of this, however when a deal is about to be struck., the Glish announce that it is their tradition to lick the face of one of the representatives, which ends up being Officer Teal. Captain Henderson starts off being relieved that he didn't have to endure this, but then causes a diplomatic fall out by refusing to partake in the other part of the ritual, which would call for the Glish to rub their genitals on his face. It is also at the same time that the Glish admit that they have no interest in doing business with the British government, and instead are just killing time until they go to meet the Americans, and, as a big "fuck you" parting gift, they leave a small, but deadly, carnivorous parasitic creature on board the Camden Lock.

Hendersons superior is obvioulsy unhappy that the trade deal wasnt set up, and reminds Henderson that the captain of the space ship which shuttles school children on day trips to the moon (otherwise known as "The Brat Run") will soon be needing a new captain, as the current one is due to take early retirement due to stress.

Henderson quickly reviews all the available alien planets to find someone who would be willing to broker some sort of trade deal. Most of them are dismissed due to already setting up deals with other countrires, however Henderson finds that the planet Uberon hasn't yet set up any deals with anyone, mainly because they are isolationist and highly xenophobic, so, he orders the ships navigation officer to set course for Uberon at maximum speed, which he is unable to do, being as he has spilled coffee on the navigational computer (an accident engineered by the ships technical officer to prove the point about why drinks are not allowed on the flight deck), rendering it inoperative.
Hendo orders the computer repaired as soon as possible, however just then the ships paranoid and highly sociopathic weapons officer, Eduardo York, reports that the Glish creature has begun killing crew members, starting with the ships guinea pig. Hendo orders the creature to be hunted down and killed before they get to Uberon, a task which York relishes.

Henderson, getting bored by chief engineers Jeffers constant insistence of doing the repair job properly, over rules him and simply restarts the ships computer to factory settings, which although fixing the problem with the navigation system, causes other problems, such as making the ships toilets insisting that people wanting to use them input digits from their ridiculously long PIN numbers, and resetting the ships small arms to require a lengthy health and safety questionnaire to be completed before they will actually fire (The subject of health and safety concerns is a running gag throughout the series).

The ship finally arrives at the planet Uberon, where Henderson is contacted by Fasmoff, a representative of their government, who promptly tells him to bugger off. As Henderson launches into an impassioned speech to try and get to speak to someone about setting up a trad emission in Peterborough, but Fasmoff has no interest in speaking to him until he spots Chloe Teal in the background, and remembers her from his University days. After a brief bit of banter, Fasmoff says he will come aboard the Camden Lock to meet with Teal to reminisce.

When Fasmoff arrives, York still hasn't caught the alien parasite, so Hendo orders that it be caught quickly before Fasmoff notices it, but by this time, the creature has graduated on to killing actual crew members, starting with the "slowest", and York is relishing in the big game hunt, causing further problems as his over indulgence in the spirit of the hunt causes him to miss several good opportunities to capture or kill it.

Over thecourse of their talks, Fasmoff says he realises that a political shift at home will soon bring an end to his species isolationist stance, and that trade with Britain would be a good idea, but, Peterborough would be too small for their needs, so he would require Ealing, Doncaster and the entirety of Wales as well, Hendo agrees, just to get him to sign the trade agreement, but as they enter the conference room, he notices a severed leg on the table, so hurriedly escorts Fasmoff to "meeting room 2", which is in fact the ships urine reprocessing room, all while assuring Fasmoff he is perfectly safe.

Angry that York hasn't killed the creature, Hendo and Teal leave Fasmoff in the urine reprocessing room and grab some weapons to join the hunt, but Fasmoff, knowing that something is wrong, radios for pickup and heads to the nearest air lock, where he is attacked by the creature.
Hendo, Teal and York save him, but as they try to kill it, the creature attacks Jeffers, and their weapons insist on a long health and safety questionnaire being completed before they will fire. Eventually, Fasmoff kills the creature with his own gun, which is hardly bigger than a small dog, and insists on returning home in a state of shock, and not being really interested in trading with Britain after the days problems.

Hendo, understandably angry about the prospect of being captain of the Brat Run, orders Teal to do whatever she can to get a trade deal signed, so she resorts to cold calling random planets to try and sell the deal, which results in the whale people swearing at her as they hang up.

Review - Drawn Together (2004-2007, 2010)

Drawn Together was an animated adult satirical sitcom which aired on Comedy Central between 2004 and 2007, with a feature length direct to DVD movie following in 2010.

The premise of the show was simple, 8 cartoon characters of various types were taking part in a reality TV show for some unspecified purpose, and each episode showed the wacky goings off behind closed doors (or, as the opening credits described it "1 House, 8 Cartoon Characters, 1,000,000 Cameras!").

 Each of the characters involved was a specific archetype, both of the genre of animation, and of the "reality TV star".

Main Characters:-



Captain Hero - A Caricature of "American style" caped superheros, particularly Superman.
Captain Hero, or "Leslie" to his friends is the typical all American straight laced macho type, except that in reality he is a misogynistic, chauvinist, homophobic, hypocritical and sometimes violent bigot. Numerous times during the series he is seen to indulge in many and varied sexual perversions, as well as being something of a closeted homosexual. He is also very childish and prone to temper tantrums and periods of sulking when he doesn't get his own way, he also seems to be completely oblivious the the world around him on occasions, usually whenever he uses (or abuses) any of his super powers. Oddly, Captain Hero is one of the best developed characters in the series, receiving a full and coherent back story as well as proper character development. As a reality TV star, he falls cleanly into the "Macho frat boy" archetype.

Wooldoor Sockbat - A caricature of "wacky" cartoon characters, mostly modelled on Spongebob Squarepants (described in one episode as an "ill conceived Spongebob parody") but also incorporating elements of Looney Toons and Tex Avery type characters (Wooldoor can ignore all natural laws at will etc). Wooldoor is an extremely weird and somewhat childish character who usually ends up being the butt of many jokes, or is generally bullied due to his naivety. However Wooldoor also has the ability to be extremely intelligent on occasion, showing he has abilities as a psychiatrist, a surgeon, a doctor and a scientist (as well as an unwilling lab experiment from time to time). As a reality TV star, he is the "Weird guy".


Princess Clara - An obvious caricature of fairy tale princesses, notably "Disney" princess types.
Outwardly kind and charming, Clara is actually a fundamentalist christian, an anti-semite, a homophobe, a racist and an idiot. Although these traits stem from her sheltered upbringing, it is also implied that she has an incestuous relationship with her father the King. Most of the shows humour from Clara comes from her being blatantly offensive without realising it, but also from how hypocritical she is, usually because she realises she can benefit herself in some way by doing something she condemns others for. As a reality TV star, she fits into the "Sheltered rich girl" archetype.

Foxxy Love - A caricature of "blaxsploitation" type characters, Foxxy is a "mystery solving musician" who was formerly a member of the band "Foxxy 5", who had 1 hit single in the mid 1980s (all other members of the band are also blaxsploitation characters). Foxxy, being black, is frequently on the receiving end of Claras racist outbursts, however Foxxy is also hypersensitive towards anything which could remotely be considered racist (for example she deliberately mishears the word "knickers" as "niggers" during a spelling bee and uses it as an excuse to assault the judges). Other than that, Foxxy typically behaves in a stereotypical "ghetto" manner, speaking in Ebonics and/or jive talk, being sexually promiscuous, stealing anything she can get her hands on etc, however out of all the housemates, Foxxy ends up usually being the most level headed (or as Wooldoor describes her "the least retarded"). As a reality TV star, she is the "Sassy Black Girl".

Xandir - Xandir (full name - Xandir P. Whifflebottom) is a caricature of one dimensional video game characters, most notably "Link" from the "Zelda" series of games. Extremely effete, Xandir says he is "on a never ending quest to save his girlfriend", however in the 3rd episode of series 1, he admits that he is gay and breaks up with her. Xandir is the most placid of the housemates however he does have a tendency to freak out over the most trivial of things. As a reality TV star, Xandir is the "Token gay guy", although in one episode he does admit that he finds Toot attractive (she then forces him to have sex with her numerous times)

Ling-Ling - Ling-Ling is a caricature of Japanese anime characters, mainly pokemon/digimon type creatures, but is also a stereotype of Asians in general. As a "Japanese trading card battle monster" (that bears a strong resemblance to Pikachu) , all Ling-Ling seems to care about is battling other creatures, however when the opportunity to battle does not present itself, he goes about other tasks as though he was in an anime style battle, with accompanying theme tunes and stock backgrounds etc. Ling-Ling, with the exception of one episode, spends the entire series speaking a faux Japanese-esque language, and fulfils other Asian stereotypes such as being unable to drive safely, being good at standardised tests and being a disappointment to his father. As a realty TV star, he is the "Clueless foreigner" who struggles with culture shock.

Toot Braunstein - Toot is a caricature of 1920s era black and white cartoon characters such as Betty Boop. She appears to be a chubby flapper girl in her early 20s, however when seen in close up she is actually hairy, spotty and extremely unattractive to most people. Her "cute" personality masks her true personality, which is that of an extremely unpleasant, attention seeking, foul mouthed, alcoholic, gluttonous antagonist. Toot spends most of her time causing trouble, over eating, drinking and indulging in self harm if things don't go her way. She is also extremely sexually frustrated, being as no one will willingly have intercourse with her, however when they do the experience is usually terrifying for them. As a reality TV star, she is the "attention seeking trouble causer".

Spanky Ham - A caricature of Flash animation characters, Spanky Ham is a poorly drawn anthropomorphic pig who has a foul mouth and an obsession with toilet humour and sex. He has a somewhat abrasive and cynical personality, however he demonstrates numerous times that he has a head for money making making schemes of various legalities. As a reality TV star, he is the "loud mouthed slob".

Although the series uses set characters in an established setting, almost none of the episodes follow any kind of coherent story arc, characters are killed off or delivered a life changing plot line one week, for it all to be completely forgotten the following week. Many episodes also include various non-sequitr scenes as well, usually, but not always, featuring a cameo appearance by a "real" cartoon character (although most of these characters are usually not named or obscured in some way to avoid copyright infringement).
The show also features several running gags, such as the shows poor reviews, Foxxys dislike of the foster care system (its said that she has had several of her own children placed in foster care), Toot being mistaken for a cow/whale/bear etc because of her weight and appearance and so on.

Speaking of the shows reviews, many reviews slated the show for its overuse of stereotypes, obsession with crude humour and bodily functions and for the amount of swearing, nudity and depictions of sex acts (on a strange note, during one episode, Wooldoor explains to the viewer that due to FCC regulations, the viewers may not see Princess Claras vagina, but throughout the show it is permitted for the viewers to see nearly all of the main male characters penises, both flaccid and erect, as well as being able to show the male members masturbating and ejaculating). One review branded the show as being "unfit for children"...which proves that they probably didn't get the fact that the show was intended as an adult satire program simply because it was a cartoon.

Much as I have seen people slate the show for its racist, misogynistic, anti-religious and other general offensive content, what they don't tend to realise is that Drawn together is a wonderfully crafted piece of social satire, having a pop at many different issues per episode and doing them in an extremely entertaining way.
Unfortunately though, the series was cancelled after its 3rd season began airing, which seemed to come unexpectedly to the production team as they admitted via an on screen caption during the final episode of series 3 that this was "the most crappy series finale ever" and that "several lines of dialogue had already been written and recorded and it was too late to change them".
The series ended with all 8 main characters receiving their contract termination notices and walking as a group through a door marked "Unemployment", bringing the series to an end.

In 2010 however, a 65 minute movie, imaginatively titled "The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie!" was released to finish off the series proper with one last attempt by the characters to get the show back on the air.

I really liked this series because the quick witted and deep cutting dark humour is brilliant, but it is also the reason why the show wasn't too popular with the mainstream people, simply because it was "different".

Game Review - Yu-Gi-Oh! Ultimate Masters:World Championship Tournament 2006 ( GBA 2006 - duh!)

The rather oddly titled "Yu-Gi-Oh! Ultimate Masters: World Championship Tournament 2006" (why oh why do they need to give these games such long titles?) was the 2006 entry into the hugely popular games series which, at the time, were exclusive to the Gameboy advance (I say this because similar games based on Yu-Gi-Oh! released on other systems usually followed some kind of storyline, whereas the "World Championship" games played as an electronic version of the CCG) 

Released during the "Yu-GiOh! GX era, the game featured nearly all the cards and game mechanics that had been employed in the RL CCG up to that point, however, unlike the previous game , the 2006 edition did not feature any of the characters from the anime, nor did it feature any storyline.

Reflecting the lack of storyline, the game itself made various changes to game play modes, which were selectable through the menu screen:-

Free Duel Mode.
The "Main" game mode, in which you duel against various other players, starting off with players ranked at "level 1", all of whom play a deck themed around the particular card they use as their avatar. Each tier contains 5 different duellists, all of whom use different strategies depending on the type of deck they are playing.

Challenge Mode.
This option consists of  4 sub categories of play:

1. Duel puzzle - You join a game in mid match, and using the cards you already have in your hand or in play, you must win the duel by the end of that turn.
2. Limited Duel - A series of duels in which restrictions are placed on what cards you may have in your deck.
3. Theme Duel - A series of duels in which as well as winning, you have a secondary objective of some sort, for example getting the maximum amount of direct damage to an opponents life points, drawing as many cards as possible, etc.
4. Survival Duel - You face off against random opponents one after another until you are defeated.

 As you begin the game, you get to choose a starter deck, but as you play, you can aquire additional cards by buying them from the in game shop, using Duel Points that you have won from competing in the free duel and challenge modes.
This game has a much wider selection of cards available than the 2003 game, which can make getting the cards you want difficult, as cards from the newer (at the time of release anyway) usually cost 400 Duel Points, whereas booster packs from older sets can cost as little as 150 points.

As a game, it does exactly as it says on the tin, it is indeed an electronic version of the real card game, however, it does present some problems which can put a dampener on new players...

• Difficulty - The game starting difficulty is WAAAYYYYYYYY off whack, requiring advanced knowledge of the card game and its mechanics in order to get any wins. This will, and did, put off a lot of novice players.
• Paying for everything - Earning duel points to buy new cards with is extremely difficult due to the above, and even then, the games strict adherence to the "Forbidden/limited" cards list (which was correct for tournament play at the time the game came out) means that sometimes you will open a booster pack and get an awesome card, only to find that it has been banned, and the game will not allow you to use it in any games. In addition to this, although the game allows you to enter the codes from your real life cards into the game, it makes you pay Duel Points in order to add them to your collection, if you dont have the point, you cant have, simple as. Very frustrating in the early game being as the game saddles you with very few powerful cards.
• Prescience - While playing through this games free duel mode, I got the distinct feeling that the games A.I seemed to know exactly what cards I had in my hand. This may just be me being paranoid, but when your A.I opponent manages to pull just the right card at just the right time 20 times in a row, you know that "the heart of the cards" seems to be giving way to borderline cheating.
• Whats the point? - The games lack of storyline takes something away from the gameplay. Even though the 2003 games storyline was generally weak, the complete elimination of it from this game makes the game a little dull.

 All in all though, the game isnt that bad, while it could have been a lot better, it still provides one of the best electronic recreations of a collectable card game.