B-Movie Weekender (03-04 Jan 2015)

Well, no sooner has the new year started than the good old British climate decides that I wont be going anywhere or doing anything, so in order to make practical use of the available time, I decided to sit and watch some old fillums, like you do.

The criteria for this was simple, any film made between 1950 and 1970 which wasn't (at the time) considered to be a massive big budget blockbuster (although these rules are flexible in some cases, lol).

So, supplies for this grand undertaking in hand (mostly stuff left over from christmas), I sat back to relax and enjoy...

The Earth Dies Screaming
(Lippert Films - UK, 1965)

This film, although its run time of 62 minutes barely qualifies it as such, comes from a time when the film industry in the UK imposed a quota on cinemas requiring them to show "home grown" films as well as American made films, and thus was born the phenomenon of the "quota quickie" (this explains the short run time of the film when you think about it).
Anyways, starring no one I've ever heard of, this low budget bit of celluloid combines sci-fi with a bit of good old fashioned cold war paranoia to create an interesting enough invasion film.
Simply put, suddenly one day people in 1960s Britain are all killed in what appears to be some sort of gas attack, and a small group of survivors try to figure out what happened and who the mysterious spacesuit wearing men they keep seeing are up to.

A good film, even by modern standards, even though the special effects budget must have been less than a tenner.

Invaders from Mars
(20th Century Fox - USA, 1953)

Long considered (at least by me) to be one of the definitive B-Movies, "Invaders from Mars" treads the much worn path of films depicting alien invasion.
In a nutshell, a martian spacecraft lands in rural America and begins abducting people in order to sabotage American efforts to perfect and mass produce deep space rockets equipped with nuclear weapons. The only witness to this landing is a young boy who struggles to get anyone to believe his wild stories about aliens and people being mind controlled.

Another film which clearly reflects the time when it was made, theres lots of talk about the then new sciences of atomic fission and rocketry, as well as mention made of "if any nation dare attack us" etc etc.
This film enjoyed so much cult status that it was remade in 1986, albeit with a drastically altered storyline.

Quatermass And The Pit
(Pathe - UK, 1967)

A feature film version of the BBC serial of the same name (cut down into a 90 minute feature from a 3 hour long TV series) again, this film is an alien invasion flick, however this time round theres a twist...
The film tells the story of a failed attempt by martians to escape their dying planet 5 million years ago by genetically engineering various earthly ape men to have characteristics similar to them, however this plan ultimately failed and the martians all died out.
5 million years later, one of the martian space ships is found buried underground while works are carried out on one of Londons tube stations, setting in motion a series of events which could finally see the martians grand plan succeed.
The film, carrying on from the TV series, handles the subject matter in an intelligent way and refrains from using any of the traditional "alien monster" movie cliches, it even manages to make various commentaries on human society and behaviour.


The Day Of The Triffids
(Rank - UK, 1962)

An adaptation of the classic sci-fi novel by John Wyndham, which takes the basic story as presented in the book and takes extreme liberties with it.
In a nutshell, most of the worlds population is rendered blind by a mysterious meteor shower, leaving the few who can still see to try and survive in a post apocalyptic world where giant walking carnivorous plants stalk humans as prey.

The film takes way too many liberties with the source material, for example, the main character, Bill Masen, is unexplicably changed from being a British scientist who specialises in Triffids into an American merchant navy sailor, and for some reason, the makers of the film decided that for their adaptation, the Triffids themselves would be easilly killed by being brought into contact with salt water.

Its an enjoyable enough film, provided you dont measure it against the standard set by the original book, or even the much more faithful 1981 BBC TV serial.

Robinson Crusoe On Mars
(Paramount - USA, 1964)

The two man crew of "Mars Gravity Probe 1" are forced to abandon ship  in orbit around the planet Mars after a near collision with a meteor exhausts all of their fuel. Christopher "Kit" Draper USN manages to survive his crash landing but his partner "Mac", played by Adam West, does not, thus, Kit becomes the first man to set foot on Mars, and at the same time finds himself stranded there, with only the ships experiment monkey "Mona" for company. "Kit" finds that he is able to survive and eke out a meager existence on Mars, however while exploring he finds that Mars has had visitors before.
Soon enough, Mars receives more visitors, this time alien, and Kit, along with an escaped slave he calls "Friday", have to hide and await rescue.

An enjoyable, if somewhat silly, film that gives a bit of a new take on an old story.


This Island Earth
(Universal Pictures - USA, 1955)

A nuclear scientist is approached by a secretive organisation to assist them in their goal of putting an end to war by the peaceful use of atomic power, however not is all as it seems when it turns out the group is actually a front for aliens.

Again, this is another piece of classic sci-fi that is essential viewing. I cant find fault with this film at all, it tells a good story and has decent special effects.

The Thing From Another World
(RKO Pictures - USA 1951)

Based on the short story "Who Goes There?" this film tells the story of a group of scientists who find a crashed flying saucer at the north pole, but to their horror, they find that one of the crew has survived!.

Another must see film in the sci-fi genre that combines elements of a "locked room" type mystery with a "whodunnit" style story, and adds an alien invader to the mix to create an interesting story.


Village Of The Damned
(MGM - UK, 1960)

 Another film based on the works of John Wyndham, this time round its "The Midwich Cuckoos" that get the film treatment.
The fictional village of Midwich is suddenly struck down by a mysterious force that causes all life within 5 miles to become unconscious. Despite numerous attempts by the army to penetrate the invisible barrier, no one is able to step more then a few feet inside its boundary without fainting.
Without any explanation, after 3 hours, everyone recovers, leaving scientists to wonder what actually went off, a mystery which is further perplexing when it turns out that all women of child bearing age within the boundary have suddenly become pregnant.
This understandably causes problems, as some of the now pregnant women are known to be virgins, and some of them are married, so infidelity is suspected. Nevertheless, all of the women give birth on the same day 9 months later, however, right from the beginning, it becomes apparent that these are no ordinary children.

A really good film and typical of Wyndhams works, which is reproduced almost faithfully to the original book.
A sequel film "Children of the Damned" followed in 1964 and a remake which changed the location and some of the details came along in 1995.


Horror Express
(Indipendant production - UK/Spain, 1972)

 

Its 1906, and Professor Saxton (Christopher Lee) is traveling to Moscow on the Trans-Siberian Express. In the Trains freight car is the fossilised remains of an ape-man he found whilst exploring a cave system in Manchuria, a fossil which he hopes will provide the "missing link" and prove that the theory of evolution is correct once and for all. Unfortunately for him though, the fossil is far from dead, and just happens to harbour an evil force that has been on earth since prehistoric times, which then sets about killing people within the cramped confines of the train as it speeds through the desolate wasteland that is Siberia.

This film, although low budget and not made by any studio of any note, stars a surprising number of well known actors in the form of Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing and Telly Savalas, not only that, but it manages to tell a decent story as well.




     

Your face, my FARCE! - The Big Bus (1976)

It became rather fashionable during the 70s for films to be made about large scale disasters, and thus the "Disaster movie" genre was born.
Films like "The Towering Inferno", "The Poseidon Adventure" and "Airport" drew hundreds of people to cinemas worldwide and told melodramatic stories of situations gone horribly wring in various settings.
Inevitably though people got bored of this type of film and satirists began making parodies of the genre, "The Big Bus" being one of them.

Ostensibly a farcical parody of disaster movies in general, "The Big Bus" takes a familiar disaster movie trope, that of a new and untested vehicle intended for public use (similar to how The Poseidon Adventure used a large ship), and subjects it to a series of farcical events in order to maintain a coherent plot, an endeavour in which it is largely successful.


The plot centres on the efforts of the "Coyote Bus Company" (An obvious parody of the Greyhound  bus company) to create a bus capable of travelling from New York to Denver non stop, a feat which has never been done before and is considered to be a milestone in human engineering (stay with me on this one...).
The end result is the "Cyclops", a ridiculously massive double decker bus, powered by a small nuclear reactor and containing such luxuries as a swimming pool, restaurant/cocktail lounge and even a bowling alley. The irony of this is is that although the bus itself is massive and contains all this luxury, it can only really carry a small number of passengers, and even then its cramped confines don't allow for them to travel in comfort, even though the bus is classed as being a "1st class luxury conveyance".
Things don't go according to plan though as even before the Cyclops sets off on its epic journey, an iron lung bound billionaire named "Iron Man" (Jose Ferrer) conspires with Arab oil sheiks to destroy the Cyclops in order for them to maintain their monopoly on petroleum based energy.

The film stars some bigish names, Stockard Channing plays the Cyclops' designer and acts as the films love interest, John Beck stars as the inept co-pilot of the Cyclops, Larry Hagman stars as a hapless and rather inept private doctor, and even Rene Auberjonois stars as a priest who wants to break with tradition and actually go out and get laid, much against the wishes of his cardinal.

Most of the films humour comes from the farcical situations the bus crew and its passengers find themselves in, and from a series of visual and auditory gags, for example when the Cyclops sets out on its journey, they test the aerodynamics of its hull by accelerating to its theoretical maximum speed of 90 mph, which allows the bus to break through the barrier encountered by air resistance, which is referred to by the bus's captain as "Breaking wind".

This film performed extremely poorly at the box office due to its farcical nature and a barely coherent plot, which in honesty consists of a series of sketch based comedy routines and non squiturs.
I just love how all the actors and actresses manage to deliver their lines deadpan, even though the stuff they are saying is simply nonsense most of the time, but they all manage to deliver it in such a manner that they really do sound serious.
The film also contains a series of running jokes, which, if I'm honest, aren't particularly funny, they probably sounded great on paper but did not translate well on to film, for example the numerous references to "captain" Torrances supposed cannibalism, which he is said to have committed years ago when the bus he was driving broke down in a remote area and he and his co-driver were said to have eaten the passengers in order to survive, something which he strongly denies but admits he did inadvertently eat someones foot in a stew that was cooked up by the co-driver.

I recall seeing this film on TV only once during the mid 90s, where a slightly edited version (to remove some of the films sexual references) was shown on BBC1 as a piece of Sunday afternoon filler in between the"Eastenders" omnibus and "Songs of Praise". It left a big enough impression on me though that when someone mentioned it on facebook i just had to hunt it down and watch it again, even though I knew it wasn't a good film.

To sum up, "The Big Bus" isnt going to give you jaw ache from constant laughing, in many ways its a somewhat cringe worthy effort at comedy, but it does have its moments, especially in its faux action sequences.
The main star of this film though is not the actors playing the roles, but the Cyclops itself, which was actually built as a fully functioning roadworthy vehicle, although one not capable of actually transporting passengers.

Amicus Horror Anthologies - Asylum (1972)

During the 60s and 70s, British film makers Amicus productions made a series of films containing several short horror stories, linked by a framing story.
Starring many big names (for the time), these low/medium budget films told several stories mainly concerning ghosts and the supernatural in a typically British way, and usually featured some sort of twist ending.

The fifth of these films was 1972's "Asylum", also known as "House of the crazies" for its US release.
Asylum contained dramatisations of stories written and scripted by writer Robert Bloch , who also scripted the film adaptation of Alfred Hitchcocks "Psycho".
This film was the very first Amicus anthology film I ever saw, when it was shown on ITVs Friday night horror movie slot back in the early 1990s, and in a way it kick started my liking for films in the anthology genre as a whole.

Framing Story
Dr. Martin (Robert Powell ) arrives at the secluded "Dunsmoor Asylum For The Incurably Insane", intending to secure a job as a psychiatrist. He is expecting to be interviewed for the position by the manager of the place, a Dr. B Starr, but instead finds the wheelchair bound and incredibly stubborn Dr. Rutherford (Patrick Magee ) waiting for him instead.
Over the course of some verbal sparring between the two men, Rutherford reveals that Dr. Starr suffered a total and complete mental breakdown, and thus was incarcerated in his own asylum, and, should Dr. Martin be able to identify him by interviewing several of the patients there, he will be "considered" for the job.
Rutherford goes on to explain that the patients he is to interview are all completely and incurably insane, and have a penchant for inventing completely false stories,displaying many different alternate personas and being somewhat violent, and as such, the door to the wing he is about to go into can only be opened by pushing a button on his desk, so as to prevent the maniacs from escaping, but Martin reassures Rutherford that he has dealt with severely mentally disturbed people before.
Martin ascends the stairs to the wing he is to interview in and is greeted by Max the orderly, who tells him he has been instructed to give no indications whatsoever which patient is Dr. Starr.
He leads Martin the the first room, where he is to interview "Bonnie"...

Story #1 - "Frozen Fear"
Bonnie and Walter are lovers, however Walter is married to the posessive heiress Ruth. Ruth is a practitioner of Voodoo, and after an argument over wanting a divorce from her, which she will not grant, Walter executes his plan to escape from her.
Walter surprises Ruth by showing her the large chest freezer (still something of a novelty in early 1970s Britain) he has bought for her and had installed in the cellar, she is overjoyed at the gift he has given her, but Walter says there is another surprise for her, when she asks what it is, he responds by bludgeoning her to death with an axe.
Hours pass, and Walter dismembers the body and wraps the individual pieces of it up in brown paper, before neatly packing them inside the freezer, where he hopes they will lay undiscovered for quite some time.
As he finishes off celaning up the murder scene, he notices Ruths Voodoo bracelet still left lying around, so he casually tosses it in the freezer along with the body parts, telling her to "rest in pieces".
The phone rings, and Walter tells Bonnie he has finished his task, Bonnie tells him she is coming, but they will need to take the body parts along with them when they escape, in order to dispose of them somewhere along the way. Walter isnt too pleased about this but goes along with the idea anyway.
He pours himself a stiff drink and sits down to wait for Bonnies arrival, when suddenly he hears a strange noise coming from the kitchen. He is terrified to see Ruths Dismembered head, still wrapped in brown paper, rolling by itself across the kitchen floor, stopping to glare at him ominously as it reaches the doorway. Walter throws his glass at the head, but the head suddenly vanishes. Walter, putting this down to a hallucination brought on by guilt, decides to go down and check to make sure he wasn't imagining things.
He cautiously makes his way down to the cellar, and is shocked to see the freezer lid open. When he looks in the freezer, Ruths dismembered arm shoots up and grabs him by the throat.
Bonnie arrives later, and calls out Walters name, but finds nothing in the house save for the broken glass and spilt drink on the kitchen floor, then, the cellar door creaks open ominously on its own.
She heads down there to see what is happening, but still doesn't find Walter anywhere. Morbid curiosity compels her to look in the freezer, and she finds herself looking at Walters dead body. She makes to go back upstairs, but finds Ruths severed but still breathing head staring back at her, she flees in terror but is set upon by Ruths other body parts. She tries to escape by going through another door, but finds it locked.
She grabs the axe that Walter used to kill and dismember his wife with and tries unsuccessfully to attack the various body parts as they crawl towards her, but she is unable to stop any of them. Suddenly, one of Ruths arms drops down from the rafters and grabs her face, so Bonnie begins wildly slashing at it with the axe....

Bonnie concludes her story by revealing that the police found her laying unconscious the following morning, and that they told her that she had strangled Walter. She says she tried to tell them about Ruth and her various body parts, but everything was gone. She then turns round and reveals a large ugly scar across her face, inflicted upon herself while she was slashing with the axe.
Outside the room, Dr. Martin diagnoses Bonnie as having an acute case of paranoid psychosis, to which Max shrugs his shoulders and moves him to the next room.
Bruno sits cross legged on the table, sewing imaginary cloth with an imaginary needle and thread. Dr. Martin asks him what he is doing, and Bruno begins his tale...

Story #2 - "The Weird Tailor"
Bruno (Barry Morse ) is a jewish tailor who has fallen on hard times. When the rent man comes calling, Bruno is unable to pay him, and instead offers to make him a suit, his offer is refused, and he is tol he has until Saturday morning to come up with the money or he will have to leave.
Bruno tells his wife the sad news, but then their spirits are uplifted when a man named simply "Smith" (Peter Cushing ) enters the shop and asks if Bruno can make him a suit.
Smith produces a bolt of strange cloth, which glows with an other worldly aura, and gives Bruno a set of very detailed instructions governing how the suit is to be made, and what times he can work on it, all of these times being in the early hours of the morning. Brun offers to take Smiths measurements but Smith explains that the suit is to be a surprise gift for his son, and that he needs it completing as soon as possible, promising to pay him £200 (still a lot of money in 1972) when he completes and delivers it to him on Friday morning.
Bruno spends four nights working slavishly on the garment, but manages to get it completed in time and delivers it himself to Smiths house.
Bruno finds Smiths house in darkness and a state of disrepair, which surprises him as Smith appeared to be a very wealthy man, Smith explains that he cannot pay him the £200 as promised, but will settle up with him afterwards. Bruno refuses to hand over the suit until he receives payment, but Smith assures him that there is nothing in the house worth taking, aside from a very rare one of a kind book of magic that he spent his entire fortune on. Bruno becomes angry and looks in one of the rooms to find a body in a coffin, he accuses Smith of being a murderer, but Smith points out that the body is that of his son, who died of natural causes some time ago, and the suit is made of a magical cloth which when he puts it on the body, his son will return to life.
Bruno refuses once again to hand over the suit without payment, but Smith pulls a revolver from his pocket and the two men fight, ending with the gun going off accidentally and killing Smith.
Bruno grabs the book of magic spells and flees the house.
His wife asks what is wrogn when he returns home, and he tells her that Smith was a fraud and to burn the suit because of its unnatural abilities, he says that he will sell the book and get the money that way. As he inspects the books contents, he notices that his wife hasnt fired up their boiler, meaning she is not burning the suit as he requested, she tells him that she thinks that if someone sees the suit on display in the window, that they will come in and buy it, so, to that end, she has dressed their mannequin, who she has named "Otto" in the suit. Bruno cries out in horror, but by then it is too late, Otto has come to life and begins rampaging through the shop, stopping to throttle Bruno.....

Bruno pleads with Dr. Martin to find and stop Otto, but Max coldly locks him back in his room and leads Martin to the next room.
Barbera ( Charlotte Rampling ) sits staring at herself in the mirror, and asks if Dr. Martin is the lawyer she had been asking for. He answers in the negative and introduces himself as a doctor. Barbera dismisses him, and says she has plenty of experience with the medical profession, having been in mental institutions before. Martin asks her to clarify  but she says that all she needs is to be let out, what happened wasnt her fault and they should instead look for someone called "Lucy".....

Story #3 "Lucy Comes To Stay"
Barbera is brought home from another stay in a mental institution by her brother George (it is implied throughout the story that Barbera is a habitual drug user, which causes her to hallucinate and blame actions she carries out herself on someone called "Lucy")  , she says she feels a lot better after her stay in hospital and that what happened will never happen again. When they arrive home, Barbera is told that they will have a live in carer, Nurse Higgins, to look after her until she gets back on her feet. She doesnt appreciate this one bit and resents the implication that she is an invalid and requires someone to look after her, and, more importantly, to act as a prison guard.
Later that night, Nurse Higgins is called away after a family emergency, and Barbera awakens to find herself alone in the house, so she immediately finds a hidden stash of drug and takes several of the little yellow pills. Lucy ( Britt Ekland)  suddenly appears and says that she let herself in after tricking George and Nurse Higgins into leaving by making a fake telephone call from the garage. Lucy is very charismatic and forceful, and tells Barbera that they will need to work quickly if theyre going to escape. Barbera says she doesnt feel too good and Lucy conjectures that she has been taking "those pills" again, which Barbera denies, but Lucy says she knows when she is being lied to. Lucy and Barbera debate abut George wanting to keep Barbera sedated and submissive so that he can make off with the fortune left to Barbera by their late father. Lucy wins the argument and tells Barbera to get the £100 she had been saving for a new dress, so they can use it to rent a room somewhere and go into hiding. Lucy says she has everything planned, and they will leave that night, once George is asleep by stealing his car.
That night, while George is taking a phone call from Nurse Higgins to tell him that the family emergency was a fake, an unseen hand pours some sort of powder into his tea, which George then drinks and falls alseep.
Lucy wakes Barbera and tells her to pack, then she takes a pair of scissors and cuts the phone line, saying that they don't want Nurse Higgins calling the police before they've had a chance to get away.
Barbera once again takes some pills form her hidden stash and swears that she wont take any more when Lucy catches her with them. Lucy accuses her of always choosing drugs over everything else, and not owning up to the fact that she secretly hates both Lucy and George. Lucy gets angry and leaves when Barbera says she cant get through the day without taking the pills, so Barbera follows her, and runs into Nurse Higgins who has just got back. They go through to the study and there they find George slumped in his chair dead, with a pair of scissors sticking out of his chest.
Nurse Higgins tries to call for an ambulance but finds the phone dead, so she follows Barbera upstairs, only to have Lucy stab her in the chest as she reaches the top.
Lucy tells Barbera she is now free of all of them...

Barbera tells Dr.Martin that Lucy is the one they want, not her, and Martin asks where they can find Lucy. Barbera turns to the mirror and, while pointing at herself says "shes right here!" before laughing insanely.

Dr.Martin wonders if Rutherford is playing games with him, and if Dr. Starr actually exists, being as that thus far, all of the patiens he has seen have names beginning with the letter "B", as in "B. Starr", bu tMax says he cannot say anything until Martin makes his choice, before leading him to the final patient.
Max explains that this one is a cut above the rest, as unlike the others, he his a Doctor by the name of Byron (Herbert Lom ).
Byron sits at his workbench making a model of a human arm, and introduces himself cordially as the tow men enter his room...

Story #4 "Mannequins Of Terror"
Byron explains to Martin that he is an accomplished neurosurgeon and Doctor of internal medicine, but of late he has found a new hobby, namely that of making anatomically correct human figurines, which he shows Martin a cabinet full of the almost robot like dolls. He goes on to explain that the figures are not only an accurate cosmetic likeness of the people he has modelled them on, but also internally identical, containing functional eyes, internal organs and a fully functioning brain. He says that is is his belief that one can will life into their likeness, in a similar manner to what God used to create Adam and Eve. Martin finds this concept ridiculous, and declares Byron to be mad when he produces a figure of himself. Byron says he intends to project his consciousness into the figure, and that Rutherford had him locked up.

Martin and Max leave Byron in peace, and Rutherford is informed that Martin is on his way down.
Martin lambastes Rutherford for his poor treatment of the patients, none of whom have had any attempt to make any kind of treatment to help them escape their delusions, but once again Rutherford insists that everyone he has just seen are completely and incurably insane.

Upstairs, Byron lays on his bed clutching the figure of himself in his hands and staring at it intensely.

Rutherford explains that the only real cure for all of them is a lobotomy, which although Martin agrees would be effective, it would also turn anyone it is used on into a mindless vegetable.

Byron still stares at the figure of himself, and suddenly a spark of life appears in its eyes, and the figure begins moving by itself. Byron places the figure on the floor and it begins walking towards the door.
Max enters Byrons room to drop off his dinner, and doesn't notice Byrons homonculus sneak out of the door and make its way into the dumb waiter used to bring the patients food up from the kitchen.

Rutherford asks Martin for his choice, but before he can answer, they are disturbed by a nurse bringing them some refreshments. Martin says he does not intend to choose, instead, he intends to return home and report the asylum for malpractice, as Rutherfords regieme is of no medical or psychological benefit to anyone concerned. Rutherford disputes Martins observations.

Unnoticed as the two men argue over physchiatric treatments for the patients, Byrons homonculus climbs on to Rutherfords desk, where it then picks up a surgical scalpel that Rutherford had left there, and stabs Rutherford in the back of the neck with it.

Martin rushes to Rutherfords aid, but he is dead. He looks up and sees Byrons homonculus walking away, at first he seizes it, but then throws it to the floor. The figure raises its arms defensively, but Martin stamps on it, he removes his foot to reveal still pulsing viscrea flowing out of the figures crushed torso.

Upstairs, Byron cries out in agony, and Max rushes to see what is wrong....

Martin flicks the switch on Rutherfords desk and runs upstairs to find Max horrified at what he has just seen. Martin enquires on Byrons condition, but Max tells him not to go in to the room, as Byrons body has been crushed, as though a weight fell upon him from a great height.
Martin concludes that "Byron" was Dr. Starr, Max asks him if that was his choice, to which Martin replies that it was obvious. Martin then makes for Max's office, saying he intends to call for help, Max makes to stop him, but he is too slow, and Martin enters the room, finding a body hidden under a blanket on the bed. The dead man has been strangled, and Max tells him that he died two days ago, and he hadnt had a chance to get rid of it yet. Martin asks who he was, and is told that the mans name was "Max". Horrified, Martin realises that "Max" is actually Dr. Starr, and that he has killed the real Max and replaced him, as he tries to escape, Dr. Starr (Geoffrey Bayldon ) strangles him from behind with his stethoscope.
As Martin lays dying on the floor, Dr. Starr listens to his heart beat, and when it stops, he begins laughing like a maniac.

Another Doctor arrives for a job interview, and is greeted at the door by "Max", who ushers him inside and then "closes the door to keep out the draughts, as Dr. Starr used to say", before giving one final evil grin to the camera....


 





 





 

Amicus Horror Anthologies - Tales From The Crypt (1972)

During the 60s and 70s, British film makers Amicus productions made a series of films containing several short horror stories, linked by a framing story.
Starring many big names (for the time), these low/medium budget films told several stories mainly concerning ghosts and the supernatural in a typically British way, and usually featured some sort of twist ending.

The fourth to be released was "Tales From The Crypt" in 1972, which oddly enough, did actually feature two stories ("Reflection of Death" and "Blind Alleys") that were adapted from the original Tales From The Crypt comic.

Framing Story
A group of tourists are taking a guided tour around some catacombs that contain the bodies of catholic martyrs who died during the reign of Henry VIII. The guide warns the group that the catacombs are dangerous, and they should all remain together, however five group members (Joan Collins , Ian Hendry , David Markham , Robin Phillips and Nigel Patrick ) become separated from the rest when Joanne Clayton (Collins) finds that she has lost her broach, which is quickly found lying on the floor by Carl Maitland (Hendry).
They follow a tunnel, and enter a torchlit room that was previously hidden by a sliding stone door, which is a dead end. As they try to go back the way they came, the door slides shut, and the robed crypt keeper (Ralph Richardson ) says that there is no way out via that door, and they should sit, as they are there for a purpose.
He asks them why they came to the catacombs, and all of them say they don't know exactly why they came, they just felt compelled to in some fashion, he then asks them what their plans are when they eventually leave....

Story #1 "....and All Through The House"
Its Christmas eve in the Clayton household. The house is all trimmed up and full of festive cheer, that is until Joanne (Collins) batters her husband to death with a fire poker.After she gleefully retrieves his expensive life insurance policy documents from the hidden safe, she is stopped in her tracks before she can dispose of the body by the sound of her daughter Carol calling her form her bedroom. Carol asks if Santa has been yet, and she replies in the negative, and tells her to go to sleep otherwise Santa wont come.
Back downstairs she works feverishly to clean up the bloody mess and dispose of the body, stopping only to open her present from her late husband, which contains a broach (the same one she momentarily lost earlier).
The carol singing on the radio is suddenly interrupted by an emergency news announcement saying that a homicidal maniac from the nearby lunatic asylum has escaped, and is suspected to be prowling the area wearing a Santa Claus outfit.
Joanne continues cleaning up the murder scene, while outside, a man wearing a Santa outfit cases the house, Joanne notices him, and makes to call the police, but stops when she realises that if the police come, they will find her husbands corpse and know she killed him, so instead she locks all the doors and windows, just as the leering evil Santa glares at her through the window.
She manages to drag the body through to the cellar and dumps it down the stairs, making it look like her husband fell down them and died in an accident.
Just as she is satisfied that she has disposed of all the evidence, she notices that Carols bedroom door is open, and that Carol is out of bed. Carol has sneaked downstairs and let "Santa" in, the maniac then barges in to the house and chases Joanne for a short while before strangling her to death...

Joanne clutches at her throat and vehemently denies she has any intention of killing her husband, to which the crypt keeper coolly replies "hadn't you?".
Next, he asks Carl what he was doing, he replies he was on his way home to see his wife and children, the crypt keeper asks him what he was going to do then....

Story #2 "Reflection Of Death"
 Carl Maitland (Hendry) packs his bags and leaves, telling his wife he is going away on business, she asks him if he cant leave it till the morning but he insists he must go now and he doesn't know when he will be back, he then bids his wife and children goodbye.
In reality, Maitland is abandoning his family to run away with his mistress Susan, and has no intention of returning. He goes straight round to her flat, where she has already had all of her furniture taken away in preparation for their escape. They drive away into the night, but Carl is showing signs of tiredness so Susan offers to drive for a while to let him get a bit of sleep.
He wakes from a bad dream, and their car is immediately involved in an accident, Carl blacks out when he hits his head as the car careens off the road and over a cliff.
Waking to find himself thrown clear of the smoking wreck, his immediate first concern is for Susan, but he can find no trace of her anywhere. Seeing that he seems to have been burned, he heads back up to the road way, where he firstly scares a tramp, then he tries unsuccessfully to thumb a lift.
He eventually makes it back home on his own, but is staggered to see his wife embracing another man, when he knocks on the door, his wife answers, then promptly screams and slams the door in his face, he then notices that the name tag under the doorbell reads "Wilson" and not "Maitland".
He makes his way on foot to Susans flat, hoping to get some answers there. When she answers the door, she seems oddly vacant, and doesn't recognise him, he even has to tell her who he is, to which she replies that it cant be Carl. He asks where she has been, and then notices that all her furniture has been brought back to her flat. He demands to know what is going on, but Susan begs him to go away. After he turns on the lights, he notices Susan is holding a white cane, and she says that she had the furniture brought back after the crash, when she was blinded, and when Carl was killed, two years ago.
Carl is outraged and says he doesn't believe it, but when he sees his reflection in the glass topped table, he finds himself looking into his own rotting corpse face..he screams.. and wakes up in the car from having a bad dream, the car is immediately involved in an accident, Carl blacks out when he hits his head as the car careens off the road and over a cliff..........

 Carl looks both guilty and confused, and the crypt keeper asks him if that is why he is in such a hurry, he wants to abandon his wife and children. Carl denies he is going to do that, and asks how the crypt keeper knows, but he once again assures them he has a purpose.
James Elliot (Phillips) asks the crypt keeper what sort of game he is playing, and what he wants of them. The crypt keeper merely says that he wants to show them something that they will learn from, and something they must know, James says he doesn't want to, but is told he must....

Story #3 "Poetic Justice"
Arthur Grimsdyke (Peter Cushing ) is a kindly old man who lives alone save for his beloved pet dogs. He enjoys entertaining the local children in his home, and the local children love to hear his stories and like the toys he gives them that he has repaired after finding them at his job as a bin man for the local council.
Edward Elliot and his son James live over the road from Mr. Grimsdyke, and both of them dislike him intensely, simply because they want to buy his house to sell on to make money from their property development business. Mr. Grimsdyke flatly refuses to sell, and says that he wants to remain in the house he and his late wife shared until the day he dies. James, being more mean spirited and ruthless than his father, hatches a plan to force Mr. Grimsdyke to sell them his house for a knock down price.
That night, James digs up one of their neighbours prized rose gardens, which immediately gets blamed on Mr. Grimsdykes dogs, resulting in them being confiscated by the police, despite Mr. Grimsdykes pleadings, which fall on deaf ears.
Mr Grimsdyke uses a ouija board to communicate with the spirit of his late wife, which spells out the word "DANGER", leaving him confused as to who the danger is to, he assumes it means one of the children.
The next part of James plan sees Mr. Grimsdyke being sacked from his job by using their connections with their local councillor to imply that he is too old and infirm to carry on his job, and that they can simply get a younger man in to do the job cheaper. The councillor says that if they do sack him, he will lose his pension, but agrees to get rid of him regardless when James points out that it will save the council a large amount of money.
Mr Grimsdyke is overjoyed when one of his dogs returns to him, but this annoys James even more, so he further twists the knife by inviting the local childrens parents round and casually suggesting to them that Mr. Grimsdyke is a child molester and that his house is filthy and unkempt, the immediate consequence of which is that all the children are banned from seeing or indeed having anything to do with the man they saw as a grandfartherly figure.
James surmises that all they need is one more thing to make Mr Grimsdyke lose all hope and sell up to them, and with valentines day coming up, he has just the thing.
On valentines day, Mr. Grimsdyke receives a large stack of mail, all of which are valentines cards. He assumes that people are being kind to him, but is saddened that when he opens them up, all the cards contain horrible verses, suggesting that everyone hates him and that he should kill himself. Mr Grimsdyke finally breaks down crying.
A week passes, and Grimsdykes dog has been howling for days on end, which annoys both James and Edward, however Edward notes that he has not seen Mr. Grimdyke since valentines day. The rush over to his house to see if he is alright, and find the door open. Once inside, they note that the house is clean and spotless, unlike the rumours they had been spreading about the old man. They hear a creaking noise coming from the back room, and James finds that Mr. Grimsdyke has hung himself.
At the funeral, it is revealed that Edward paid for it all, but both he and James look guilty as people say nice things about the late Mr. Grimsdyke.
A year passes, and James finds some leftover valentines cards in his desk drawer, which he immediately burns. Edward asks what he is doing, and James says that it is a year since Mr. Grimsdyke killed himself, which both of them still very obviously feel guilty about.
At the graveyard, Mr. Grimsdykes corpse rises out of the ground, and makes its way to the Elliot house, where it creeps up and surprises James as he works late into the night.
The next morning, Edward comes downstairs and finds James slumped over his desk. He assumes he is simply asleep until he sees copious amounts of blood splattered around and a note written in blood on the desk.
The note reads "Happy Valentines day!, You were mean and cruel, right from the start, now you really have no..." He then cries out in horror as James' still beating heart plops out when he unfolds the paper further.....

James admits the whole thing is true, he didn't like Mr. Grimsdyke, but makes no apology for what happened.
Ralph Jason (Richard Greene) asks what he is doing there....

Story #4 "..Wish you were here"
Ralph Jason is a greedy and ruthless businessman, who after a series of bad investments finds himself on the verge of bankruptcy. He elects not to declare bankrupt and instead tells his wife they are going to have to sell some of their collection of art treasures form around the world to pay off the money he owes. She says she doesnt want to, but understands the need to, and she points out that a chinese statuette that they have says on its base that it will grant three wishes to whomever owns it, but to be careful what one wishes for.
Jason laughs off the fantastic notion, but his wife, saying that it cant hurt, grasps the statue and wishes for lots and lots of money. Just then, Ralphs solicitor calls and says that Ralph has inherited a ton of money from somewhere, and he needs to see him right away. Ralph speeds off in his car immediately, but is followed by a man in black riding a motorbike. As the biker gets closer, Ralph notices in his rear view mirror that the biker is actually death himself, and the shock causes a road accident, in which Ralph is killed.

the solicitor, a man named Charles, is the first to break the bad news to Ralphs wife, she becomes hysterical and tells Charles about the magic statue, he doesnt believe a word of it, but she insists on making another wish. She wishes that Ralph were back here with her right now, exactly as he was just before the accident.
Their front door swings open, and a team of undertakers fetch in Ralphs body in a coffin, and explains that it wasn't the car accident that killed him, it was a heart attack, so he is still dead, even though she got her wish for him to be there with her exactly as he was before the accident.
They crack open the coffin and find Ralph embalmed inside it, Charles leaves, but Ralphs wife, thinking she is being clever, uses the last wish to wish for Ralph to be be alive now, full of life, forever. Ralph suddenly comes back to life, but is screaming in agony. Charles rushes back in and seeing the reanimated Ralph, he realises that the body has been embalmed, and that the formaldehyde inside him would be causing Ralph untold agony, and would continue to do so forever, being as that his wife wished for him never to die again.
Ralph pleads with his wife to do something, so she grabs one of the antique swords mounted on the wall and proceeds to try and kill Ralph with it, but only succeeds in chopping his now immortal body up into pieces.
Charles points out that because of his wifes wish, Ralph will be alive and suffeirng forever....

Major William Rogers (Nigel Patrick) demands to know what people are seeing, but the crypt keeper says he only needs to be concerned about what he will see........

Story #5 "Blind Alleys"
Rogers has been appointed to the position of superintendent of a care home for elderly blind men. Right from the moment he walks in with his beloved pet Belgian Shepard dog, it becomes obvious that he cares little for the welfare of the residents or the staff in the home.
In order to save money, and thus provide himself with a large income and luxurious living conditions, he makes several harsh cutbacks. the homes heating system is hardly used, even in winter, and the residents food is reduced to being little more than cheap and tasteless slops.

One of the residents, Carter (Patrick Magee ) becomes the spokesman for the residents. He pleads with Rogers to turn the heating on, or at least provide them with warm blankets, explaining that blind peoples other senses are sharpened when they lose their sight, so thus they feel the cold, and taste bad food worse. Rogers is unmoved, and tells Carter that having many years experience as an officer in the army qualifies him to run the place efficiently, and also reminds Carter that "in the kingdom of the blind, the one eyed man is king!".
Soon enough, the residents begin to fall ill one by one from lack of food and from various cold related illnesses. Carters friend Greenwood is deathly ill, so Carter asks Rogers for a doctor, Rogers doesn't see the point but agrees to take a look for himself, but by the time they get there, Greenwood has died.
The residents, led by Carter, begin to plot revenge. Using leftover food scraps, they lure Rogers dog into the cellar and lock it in a room, then they ambush rogers himself and lock him down there in the room next to where they are keeping the dog.
Days pass, and save for Carters occasional taunts through the door, and the incessant barking of the starving dog, all Rogers hears is the sounds of the residents building something from the wood scraps kept down there.
Eventually, the door to Rogers cell swings open, and Rogers emerges to see that the residents have built some king of maze. He follows the path, which seems to lead to an open door, but just as he reaches it, it slams shut in his face. he notices the stairs lit up and heads towards them, but finds his path blocked by a wire fence. He continues following the path as best as he can in the dim light, and finds that his only way forward is to squeeze through a section of the maze where the wall is studded with razor blades. He makes it through with a few wounds but otherwise unharmed, but he finds himself at a dead end. Suddenly, a door in front of him swings open, and his beloved dog, who has gone mad from starvation, flies out and runs towards him growling and slavering at the mouth, Rogers turns to run, but remembers the way back is through the razor blades, which he cant possibly get through quick enough, he hesitates for a second, and Carter throws a light switch, plunging the cellar into total darkness. Roger screams as the dog tears him to shreds.

Rogers, unimpressed, demands to know why they are being held up, as he is on his way to a new job. The crypt keeper tells them all they are now free to go, and a stone door slides open, revealing a bright light beyond. Ralph rushes to the exit, but stops when he sees that they aren't where they think the are. he asks what this place is, and the crypt keeper explains that beyond the door lies a place where people go who have died unrepentant of their misdeeds in life, he wasn't warning them after all, he was merely showing them the reason why they have been damned to hell for all eternity.
Ralph falls screaming from the precipice into the lake of fire below, and the others, realising there is nothing they can do, silently file through and drop into the pit of hell.
His job done, the crypt keeper returns to his throne, and asks "who is next?", before turning to the audience and saying "perhaps..you?".....